Chloe Sevigny, who is still here, has a new interview in the Daily Beast. What's up with Chloe, besides basically nothing? She kind of hates New York now. Not much is very autentico anymore. Even the thrift shops suck! Blah blah blah Harmony Korine blah blah blah Vincent Gallo blow job blah blah. Remember the '90s? Kim's Video. Club kids. Max Fish. What is iPhone?

The most alarming takeaway from the Beast interview is that Sevigny allegedly owns, and operates, a 15-year-old MacBook.

At this point, Sevigny has to run. She has an appointment at the SoHo Apple Store to fix her 15-year-old Macbook.

Could Sevigny be so possibly affected that she has to use the mom-jeans equivalent of a computer? Is this even technologically possible? It seems more too-good-to-be-true than Brazilian Steve Jobs.

We consulted Gizmodo Editor-in-Chief Brian Barrett for his take on the week's most important technology news.

"Honestly that thing is several factors shittier than a shitty phone," he typed in a Slack message. "I would say if she does have a 14-year-old MacBook I hope she does not need to use it very often."

Barrett continued: "Assuming she has a 2000 PowerBook, she has half the disk space you'd need to run Chrome and probably half the RAM, but I don't think she even has the hardware you'd need. Basically Chrome alone would destroy her computer." Let alone Hearthstone! "Let alone," Barrett grimly confirmed.

Alas, there are things some of us do for fashion, and some of us do for function. For Chloe, which is even which?