Where's Kendall Jenner's Goddamn Medal for Leaving a 30 Percent Tip?
Kendall Jenner, professional Kardashian, passed the Turing Test this weekend by leaving a 30 percent tip on an expensive meal, proving herself indistinguishable from an actual human customer. Inexplicably, no one has presented her or her creator, artificial intelligence pioneer Kris Jenner, with a goddamn medal.
Earlier versions of Kendall reportedly proved incapable of basic dining etiquette during a test run earlier this month, exiting before paying the tab and then throwing cash at a server's face once outside the restaurant. Witnesses estimated the tip at negative 30 percent.
An attorney for Kardashian-Bioroid Inc. has threatened to sue the waitress who disclosed the apparent glitch.
Meanwhile, Kendall has apparently been upgraded to the latest firmware, and her performance was impressive. TMZ reports she left a $160 tip on a $554 check this weekend while dining with her friend Hailey Baldwin and Hailey's father, Stephen. That's a 28.8 percent tip, an encouraging improvement over earlier benchmarks.
Afterward, the unit was returned to the lab, where she dreamed of electric sheep.
