Actor Randy Quaid—Dennis’s eccentric, bearded older brother—was arrested in Montreal Wednesday for the second time this year. At an Immigration and Refugee Board hearing Thursday, Canadian border officers revealed the reason why: They had ordered Quaid to leave Canada next Wednesday, and believed he would not comply.

At the end of the day, our impossible Apple quiz seems to have proven there’s no way to tell the difference between the iPhone hype of 2015 and the iPhone hype of 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, or 2014. And that three of you are dirty cheaters. Here are the results.

The sociology professor arrested over the weekend after she lit a cigarette on a flight from Nicaragua to Miami and loudly ranted for hours about the United States declaring war on Venezuela, told her crazy side of the crazy story to Philadelphia magazine today. It is everything you hoped it could be.

The Georgia teen who heroically blew through tens of thousands of an elderly neighbor's dollars after they were mistakenly deposited in his bank account last March has finally had his sweet run ended by a judge. He's been ordered to serve 10 years probation and pay back the $30,000 he spent.

There's a partial resolution to the heartbreaking story of the Shar-pei mix abandoned at a Scottish train station last week with a suitcase full of his stuff. The Scottish Daily Record reports the doggie we knew as Kai—whose real name turns out to be Pluto—is doing just fine now, but the story of his abandonment is just as sad and full of shitty human tricks as you imagined.

Skeevy dating coach Julien Blanc was forced to end his speaking tour of Australia more than a month early after immigration canceled his visa in response to protests, the Guardian reports.

The backlash against malignant grabby-chokey dating coach Julien Blanc's speaking tour of Australia reached its peak today as a group of novice pickup artists was chased off a boat by protesters.

Yesterday, Tracy Morgan made one of his first public statements since a Walmart truck hit his limo bus in June, leaving him with serious physical and neurological injuries. "I'm fighting hard every day to get back," he said. But after that hopeful sentiment, Morgan's lawyer has jumped in to make sure we don't set our expectations too high.

Tracy Morgan hasn't made many public statements since the six-car accident that critically injured him and killed one of his friends, but he decided today to weigh in on his legal battle against Walmart, the company whose truck crashed into his limo bus.

Russia's Federal Space Agency announced Monday that the geckos they deployed to have sex in space had completed their mission ahead of schedule and returned to Earth. Sadly, they were all dead on arrival.

Kendall Jenner, professional Kardashian, passed the Turing Test this weekend by leaving a 30 percent tip on an expensive meal, proving herself indistinguishable from an actual human customer. Inexplicably, no one has presented her or her creator, artificial intelligence pioneer Kris Jenner, with a goddamn medal.

Mixed martial arts fighter Jon "War Machine" Koppenhaver is wanted by Las Vegas police after his ex-girlfriend, porn star Christy Mack, accused him of beating her and posted photos of her severe injuries. Dog the Bounty Hunter, a television personality seemingly unrelated to the case, has threatened to hunt Koppenhaver down.

Now that she's free from the bonds of her Nickelodeon overlords, Sam and Cat star and subject of furious fapping Jennette McCurdy can finally say what she's wanted to say since her (actually pretty tame) sexy lingerie selfies leaked earlier this year: "I am not a role model."

The body of legendary radio host (and voice of Scooby-Doo's Shaggy) Casey Kasem, reported missing last week from a Tacoma, Wash. funeral home, still hasn't been found. Kasem's corpse was reportedly located at another funeral home in Montreal on Monday, but that facility now denies having it.

And then there were 14. Saturday Night Live started downsizing its largest cast ever when Brooks Wheelan was let go Monday, and the culling continued Tuesday with the announcement that fellow first-year cast members Noël Wells and John Milhiser also won't be back.

Notoriously skeevy American Apparel founder Dov Charney was fired in mid-June for a long list of reasons, including allegedly misusing company funds, engaging in and covering up sexual harassment, and leaking nude photos of the woman who claims she was his sex slave. But the Charney-American Apparel breakup apparently didn't stick—the company is bringing him back as a consultant.

A "left wing liberal" campaigning for Virginia Rep. Eric Cantor's House seat has put a $100,000 bounty on nude photos of Texas Tech cheerleader and big-game hunter Kendall Jones.

The family of 3-year-old Victoria Wilcher, who was allegedly asked to leave a KFC restaurant because her face—damaged in a pitbull attack—was scaring customers, says it has turned down KFC's donation of $30,000.

"Gerry Adjmi," the young man recently seen in a viral video claiming that his father "owns half of Manhattan" and "owns the cops," is not who he said he was. He is, according to The Smoking Gun, an NYU student, New Jerseyite, possible humanitarian, and definite insufferable prick named Gerry Shalam.

Jeremy Meeks, a ruggedly handsome former gangbanger, made the internet swoon with his mugshot after he was arrested for weapons possession last month. Everyone immediately made the same joke: "He should be a model. Not a criminal."