Stephen Ramsey, a 45-year-old lothario, was arrested in his Naples, Florida, home after getting wasted and calling 911 several times looking for a date. At one point, with a chuckle, he asked the operator about her feelings on handcuffs before hanging up.

The seven-minute recording below is alternately funny and sad—it's pretty clear that the guy has a drinking problem—and a little excruciating throughout. The best part comes at about 5:30, when after haranguing the operator about the location of the nearest ambulance, he makes it clear his interest is purely theoretical: "I don't need one. I'm just asking."

You have to feel for the operator, who handles the nuisance call with patience and grace, and for Ramsey, who does seem like he could use some help—if not the kind 911 has to offer. When he was arrested, he reportedly confessed his troubles with alcohol, adding that he was looking for an escort service to help him pass the time.

[h/t NYDN, Image via Collier County Sheriff's Office]