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According to Page Six, Miramax is trying to "disinvite" guests to its pre-Oscar party at the Pacific Design Center Saturday night, shifting certain previously-invited individuals to a "waiting list." We've heard that many of the tragically bumped are agents—coincidentally, we're sure!—who, luckily for the Weinsteins, always take personal slights that reduce their intake of free alcohol and opportunities to schmooze other people's clients with professionalism and grace.

Spies have also told us that Miramax is developing a promising technology called the "velvet rope" to keep undesirables from blocking the entrance to their suite. Fascinating as that is, we're big-picture people, and worry that Miramax's revolutionary policy of multi-tiered admissions to a social function will destabilize the entire social structure of Hollywood. By the time the actual Oscar ceremony begins, the town will be plunged into a de-stratified utopia where executives fetch lattes for their mailroom clerks, casting directors issue blowjobs to their aspiring-actor staff at the local CPK, and personal assistants are given greenlight power for $100 million dollar star vehicles. We're facing Armageddon, people. Head for the ocean before the purge begins.