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Just yesterday, we thought we were on the verge of an astonishing turnaround in the publicity profession, as we exuberantly hoped that a Risorgimento Pubblicità was dawning. Alas, we spoke too soon, as a pair of publicists are forced to issue unarftul denials to Page Six involving the whereabouts of Johnny Knoxville's penis:

Knoxville's rep, Melissa Kates, on the alleged relationship between he and Jessica Simpson: "Jessica and Johnny are good friends as a result of working together last year. Any stories suggesting otherwise are ridiculous."

Lindsay Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane, on rumors that Knoxville has carnally possessed Lindsay Lohan: "I don't know that to be true."

Renaissance flacks Dan Klores and Ken Sunshine need to step up to counterbalance these harsh blows to The Movement; perhaps Klores can open an art gallery for homeless children, and Sunshine can hunt down and castrate Knoxville, removing the current biggest obstacle to their vocation's looming rebirth.