This image was lost some time after publication.

Tomorrow, at their storied News Cafe, home to endless show-related promotions and lamely-themed meals, Fox employees will gather to give outgoing president Gail Berman a tearful goodbye as she departs for a job helping Brad Grey run The New Paramount™. As a last act of brutality before forever leaving behind the lot that was her home for the last five years, Berman's apparently commissioned a baby writer from Stacked to pen the invitation to her going-away party, which was circulated to employees today via e-mail. Prepare yourselves, kids, this one's going to get a little rough:

FOX FETES BERMAN
FRIDAY, APRIL 29, NEWS CAFÉ AT 3:00PM
 After almost five years as President of Entertainment for the Fox Broadcasting Company, Gail Berman will be bid a fond farewell this Friday.

Despite rumors that she is departing the network to become Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie’s new sidekick in “SIMPLE LIFE 4: FILM FATALES,” Berman claims to be leaving FOX to join Paramount Pictures.

“I’m NO ONE’s sidekick,” said Berman. “And if you think I’m going to drive across country without a cell phone or my blackberry, you’re out of your mind.” She added, “Oh, and one more thing, I’m not doing ‘Whose Your Mommy?’ either!”

Berman joined FOX July 5, 2000. Against all odds, and despite petitions for her removal by fervent fans of “Dark Angel,” she has become the network’s longest-reigning entertainment president.

In recognition, FBC employees are invited to gather to toast her remarkable achievements Friday, April 29 at 3:00 PM at the News Café.

It you have any friends at Fox, make sure they sneak you in for the Big Berman Send-Off. She's going to be escorted off the lot in a chariot pulled by her former assistants; as she surveys her former empire, the newly-liberated subjects will rain down rose petals from their office windows, and dismissed 'Idol' contestants will raise their pitchy voices in a poignantly belted recessional hymn of "Carmina Burana." It's going to be quite a spectacle.