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• What's truly heartbreaking about Brad Pitt's forthcoming spawn, currently festering in Angelina Jolie's womb, is what the new baby will do to Jolie's two adopted children, Maddox and Zahara. Kids, say hi to your new, gorgeous replacement! [NYDN]
• Katie Couric's contract with the Today show isn't up until May, and she can't even negotiate with CBS until then. So she'd appreciate it if you'd just shut the fuck up about what's next and focus on her legs. [Lowdown]
• Why did Jessica Simpson and her boyfriend/father Joe get angry when George Lopez cracked jokes at Nick Lachey's expense? Was it because Lopez just doesn't have good delivery? [Page Six]
• Kate Moss' ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty pleaded guilty to cocaine and heroin possession. Hasn't this happened already, like, seven times? [R&M (last item)]
• Macauley Culkin is preparing to marry actress Mila Kunis. We salute her bravery. [IMDb]
• So who was the weepy blonde crackhead trying to crash an event at Alain Ducasse at the Essex House? Here's a hint: She's on this page. [Page Six]