TomKat? What TomKat?
The spanking-new Us Weekly isn't buying the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes breakup; in fact, it's not even on their radar. As a stunning fuck you to their celebrity weekly competition, Janice Min's gang is trying to trump the rumor mill with something they can actually prove: Jessica Simpson is a total skankbot. The magazine confirms rumors that Simpson has been more than just dry-humping Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine; their affair reportedly stretches back as far as 2004, continuing through the dying days of Simpson's marriage to Nick Lachey. After Simpson and Lachey separated, Simpson apparently returned to Levine's home at the Chateau Marmont:
Two nights earlier, Simpson joined him for a small gathering in his room, remaining after guests left. Later, according to a hotel insider, security paid the couple a visit after a guest complained of loud, amorous noises coming from the room.
Dear God — this sort of wild African screamer sex hasn't been seen since the dawn of Brangelina. We were getting a little hard-up for some decent tabloid porn.
