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• Publisher Jann Wenner ties pregnant Us Weekly editor Janice Min to her chair; she'll be staying there through the duration of her labor. No demerol when there are deadlines to be met! [Page Six]
• O.C. starlet deems Paris Hilton a "silly bitch." Finally one of these young Hollywood types gets something right. [Scoop]
• Hugh Grant fights off the paparazzi, one blurry cameraphone pic at a time. [R&M]
• The illustrator for Madonna's children's book The English Roses, Jeffrey Fulvimari, is attacked in Chelsea. There's a Kabbalah joke in here somewhere, but we haven't the will to find it. [Lowdown]
• Kid Rock defends his honor by suing the company trying to distribute his sex tape. Considering Scott Stapp is the co-star, we're thinking the suit is for defamation of character. [Detroit Wonk]
• Lucyna Turyk-Wawrynowicz, the Polish housekeeper who stole from Robert De Niro and Candice Bergen, gets sentenced to three years in jail. Upon her release, she will only be allowed to work for D-List celebrities. [IMDb]