Thinking Way Too Much About 'Maxim' and Eva Longoria
The latest issue of Maxim once again slaps Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria on its cover, as she's won the coveted honor of the top slot in the magazine's annual Hot 100 issue, thus confirming for eternity her kleenex-and-hand-lotion worthiness. This is the second year in a row that Longoria has been named number one and the first time that Maxim has had a repeat winner; in order for Longoria to claim victory, she had to beat out the AlbaJolieLohans and 96 other insecure chicks who were just as willing to contort themselves in the same backlit, sultry, bikini-clad poses that you've seen in every other men's magazine a million times before.
So why didn't Maxim bestow the slutty tiara on some other climbing starlet? The back-to-back Longoria win could could be the work of shrewd Dennis marketers, who for two years running have strategically placed Longoria on one of its best-selling covers during the NBA playoffs. Since Longoria is a regular at basketball-bouncing boyfriend Tony Parker's games, Maxim would eventually get some sort of free publicity out of the deal, should the Spurs remain in the playoffs. Evil, sports marketing genius.
Or, more likely, departing EIC Ed Needham is crippled with the apathy of knowing you're on your way out: "Fuck it, Longoria's easy. Use an outtake from last year. Just get it done already."