This image was lost some time after publication.

Not everything backstage at the Teen Choice Awards was flowing as smoothly as in front of the cameras, where Kevin Federline was boasting in impressive iambic pentameter of his mad skills at spending his wife's money. The Us Weekly blog reports that co-host Jessica Simpson approached Britney Spears, the woman whose career drippings she once hungrily lapped off the TRL studio floor, and, mesmerized by Spears' gigantic belly-melon and accompanying pair of swollen milkfruits, asked her onetime rival if she could kiss the delicious outer shell of her latest happy accident. Spears responded with the fiercest, twangiest "Hell, no!" she could muster, a battle-cry for overly manhandled, extremely pregnant women everywhere. Perhaps it was a politically inadvisable maneuver, but it was the honest, instinctive response of a defensive mother who was aware Simpson had just spent the last week starving herself to fit into a dress, and who could very well have been hungry enough to gnaw through her protective epidermal layers and devour the nutrient-rich fetal contents within.