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When asked about the state of his marriage while promoting the U.K. release of his hero-in-a-Speedo movie The Guardian, Ashton Kutcher was quick to replace the "m" word with a "don't weigh me down with labels, man"-style reclassification of feeling "in love" with Demi Moore. The semantic clarification isn't meant as a downgrade, however, as he then goes on to explain in the most flowery and incomprehensible language imaginable how a single love can change the world:

The Sun: How are things going with Demi? Is married life treating you well?

It's great... you know. I don't feel married. It's very bizarre.

I don't think you can feel married I think you just feel in love and when you're in love that's a really great place to be.

The best thing about being in love is having someone to share everything with, to share your insecurities with to share your strengths with and just completely removing any separation that exists between you and another person.

They say that if two people, can actually, it only takes two people on the whole entire earth if they can be 100 per cent completely connected and in love it'll bring peace on earth for ever more.

Kutcher's theories may come off as the ramblings of a delusional romantic who's spent one too many weekends attending sensory-depravational Kabbalic workshop retreats, but it's interesting to note that they aren't inconsistent with the premise of his 2004 film, The Butterfly Effect: i.e., that a single public display of affection between an aging Brat Packer and her junior It Boy outside a Dolce Group-owned eatery can eventually lead to South and North Koreans halfway across the globe instantly tearing down the literal and ideological walls that divide them and tearfully bounding towards each other with open arms.