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That's exactly who we thought it... wait. Who the fuck is Richard Grayson? Well, he's a 55-year-old Gemini who's in a relationship, per his MySpace. And he's a helpful sort: without very much prodding, he sent us his receipt for the Craigslist ad in which he expressed a desire to find an intern who would help him keep up with his Karen O.-esque neighbors, so that he can write about them for money. What else has he written? Some books and things, but we'd like to concentrate on a poem published today by Internet magazine 3:AM. It's about being a 55-year-old who's on MySpace.

I'm 55 and Have No Health Insurance and I Just Got Fired
 by Richard Grayson

I am 55 years old and have 28 friends on MySpace.

A lot of them are bands or singers.

For a long time Tom was my only friend.

I will accept anyone as a friend.

If you don't have a friend, I will be your friend.

One of my friends, a singer in Oregon, has 8413 friends.

Two of my friends are New York women in their fifties who probably don't realize I'm not straight.

Three of my friends are webzines.

None of my friends are people I could stay with for a few weeks, like now, having just been fired,

until I can talk without my giant uvula swinging around.

I have plantar fasciitis and tibia tendonitis posterior.

I wear orthotics in my New Balance sneakers.

Hipsters, we hope you'll apply! Or at the very least become Richard's MySpace friend. Friend a guy up!

Richard Grayson [Richard Grayson]
Earlier: Williamsburg Author Seeks Hipster Help