Tinsley Mortimer Was "File Sharing," If You Know What We Mean

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Hamilton Nolan

02/25/08 12:32PM

Filed to: Socialites

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Here's a question from a PR agency that we just can't figure out: "Was New York socialite Tinsley Mortimer doing a little "file sharing" over the weekend?" WHAT? This is the lead to an email blast promoting some file sharing website in a very roundabout way. But we have to admit we're stumped by that opener. Why the scare quotes around "file sharing?" What are they really trying to say about Tinsley Mortimer? This is supposed to be making her look good, you crazy PR people! The more we think about it, the more dirty theories we come up with, which we will tastefully not print here. Some of you are pretty media savvy, though; what the hell does this mean? Full retarded yet cryptic email after the jump.

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

raincoaster Hamilton Nolan 02/25/08 01:54PM

Are those anal beads she's wearing?

And where, exactly, was she sticking the datakey?

Tyrant Biggles Hamilton Nolan 02/25/08 03:51PM

I'm totally worthless, too. Why can't I host some of these parties?

annasballs Hamilton Nolan 02/25/08 12:58PM

the Mortimer women have to do SOMETHING to pay the Con Ed—the Mortimer men don't do much. Daddy-in-law went bankrupt once upon a time and lost ritzola 79th St apt and the Southampton house (nasty disposition, too); his wifey toils away at some Hearst rag. Btw, what happened to the Tinz's sis-in-law Minnie Mortimer who "gazed across the lawn at Barry and Diane's pre-Oscar picnic" last year, met and then married some Tinsletown type?

smartster Hamilton Nolan 02/25/08 12:47PM

Obviously, Tinsley Mortimer is in reality a PR/sex-slave robot created by the tech-gurus Sam Lessen and Darshan Somashekar. The email is a coded message and "file sharing" refers to a secret tech-guru tantric technique, in which robot Tinsley helps Sam and Darshan into a state of ecstasy by sharing her files for hours and hours.