Feeling hungry? Try snacking on our Dirt Sandwich, a wild and woolly compilation of the moments in celebrity infotainment programming that made us simultaneously groan, chuckle and hurl this week. As always, we force politely ask Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer to watch this dreck all week so you don't have to. This week's highlights/lowlights include audio transmissions of John Ritter's surprisingly mundane final phone call to his wife ("I ate some pork left out in the sun") and the touching story of how Dancing With The Star's Marlee Matlin draws inspiration from a troupe of hearing-impaired ballerinas. Enjoy!