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Big Rob—the leviathan security detail who rose to national prominence hurtling away Britney Spears's paparazzi tormentors with one swat of his canoe-sized arms—has started a blog. Now employed by the fraternal order of avant-garde multi-instrumentalists more commonly known as the Jonas Brothers, Big Rob has been promoted from his overzealous-teenbopper-pummeling duties to become an actual member of the band. But let's let Rob explain, directly from his blog's home at RyanSeacrest.com—your full-service online source for all the completely stupid things Ryan Seacrest cares about it, apparently!

My First Blog! Posted July 28th 2008 9:04AM by Big Rob What's up everybody..my name is Robert Feggans but most people call me Big Rob.

Lately, my job description has grown a little bit as the boys asked me to rap on their single Burnin' Up. They also asked me to perform it each night which is an absolute rush. It's an honor to share the stage with these boys. There is no room for error on the security side of things so I take my job very seriously. I love what I do and the people who surround me make it what it is.

We're heartened to learn firsthand that the Brothers saw in Rob not just a mobile bullet-absorption device, but a talent for spoken-word performance that would ultimately contribute some much-needed bodyguard-cred to their live act. With his tight flows about a life spent choking paps for pop stars on the hard streets of Robertson Blvd., there's no telling where their musical legacy might lead us, with their forthcoming LP "A Little Bit Longer" already being touted as "Sgt. Pepper's" for the post-tween undie-chewing generation.