Ralph Nader, Asshole
Guess who's here: Ralph Nader! The irritating old fool went completely around the bend this year, and now he's on Fox News calling Barack Obama an Uncle Tom. That's right! The formerly respectable lefty consumer advocate—seriously, we didn't even hate on him after 2000—now just says outrageous nonsense for attention, like when he did the thing with the parrot. He's pissed away his relevance and thus his hope of accomplishing any of his admirable goals and we're sick of him.In 2000, Nader got nearly 3 million votes, for 2.74 percent of the popular vote. In 2004, he didn't even get 500k. This year it looks like he managed to get half a percent of the vote, though, with 587,758 and counting, so good work, Ralph! He beat the Libertarian! And got just enough votes, it looks like, to put Missouri in the McCain camp! SPOILER!!! There was a time, 20 years ago, when Nader could've been in a Democratic president's cabinet. And, you know, then he could've actually helped working people and stuff! Now he just talks to parrots and says incredibly insulting things about Barack Obama, who everyone likes, unlike poor dumb Ralph Nader, who invented seat belts and then spent his last years annoying liberals.