Is the bad economy a turn-on, or a turn-off? With a fake recession trend story, either can be true! Just study this easy guide to manufacturing trends in these tough times. Everybody's doing it:

1. Find Something People Were Doing When Times Were Good. Write the opposite of that. Just go find yourself a New York Times Style section from about two years ago. Three million dollar apartments for 22 year-old hedge funders! Luxury is the new ordinary! If your food doesn't come with gold flakes, you are unacceptable! Now practice remixing these for the present day: Hovels! Luxury is dead! All-cabbage diets are back! See? Easy.

2. Good Fake Trend Stories Can Support Equal and Opposite Conclusions.What is this recession doing to people's love lives? The Daily Beast's exclusive poll finds that "Americans' romantic lives are undergoing a meltdown of their own," because "the size of your bank account matters in the bedroom." Then again, the NYT reports today that the recession is romantic. And USA Today says the recession makes people buy condoms. Is that sexy or not? It doesn't matter, it can be either! Any good trend story could be switched to an opposite premise with no noticeable lack of quality. Tired of writing the opposite of boom time trend stories (see #1)? Then write the same stories, just change "rich" to "poor." Trendy!

3. Purely Anecdotal Evidence Proves Everything. Heard some people say they stopped eating expensive lunches? Trend. Can you locate three people in a single city who make a salary of approximately $500,000? You got yourself a trend, buddy. Try this fun game: think of the most ridiculous premise you can. Then track down three people—no matter how disparate—whose stories can be presented in a way that roughly hews to said premise. Write your trend up as a story, put in the Times, and watch it become conventional wisdom quicker than you can say, I don't know, 'Absolutely Nobody Eats Cheese Any More, Because of Money!'

4. Hate is Timeless. Even during the worst recession, there will always be some rich people left, doing rich people things. Write about what they're doing, and present it in stark contrast to what unemployed indigents are doing. People love that shit.

5. Do The Opposite of These Recommendations. In a recession like this, nobody can afford to follow advice.