The Week the Housewives Got Desperater

Some sad things happened to Real Housewives of New York City stars, a good thing happened in Iowa, everyone remotely involved with Fox News continues to suck, and we all got fired.

• Poor Kelly Bensimon's life is completely over. And so is her costar LuAnn's marriage. A countess no more! Don't worry, though, they still have time for fighting.
• That ShamWow guy who likes to beat up cannibal hookers used to be a Scientologist! Maybe he was friends with the never-silent Greta van Susteren.
• The Real World: Brooklyn came to an end, and so did the careers of many receptionists.
• You can now just go online to chat with anonymous strangers, but if you decide to meet up eventually, and he's married, make sure Google's not driving around taking pictures.
• The new Bruno movie looks funny, too bad it's too gay for anyone to really enjoy.
• This week Gabriel taught us about movie star salaries. Maybe Brittany Murphy gets paid in pots o' gold?
• Peace was declared in the Project Runway feud, but the shouting head wars continue. Won't someone please stop the insanity? Or at least mock it?
• Old bumbling president Barry O. made yet another numbnuts blunder, giving the Queen of England a broken Discman or whatever, that she already had. Let's get Jack Cafferty to smack some sense into him.
• Mark Zuckerberg should quit, Beth Ditto should get some perspective, and the New York Times should stop comparing itself to Darfur.
• Speaking of housewives, you can soon be one of those in Iowa even if you're a lesbian!
• Boston has said "No!" to Jay Leno, and one brave Marylander has said "Absolutely not!" to pornography.
• And then, just this afternoon, we're sad to tell you, we found out that Gawker Media is undergoing yet another consolidation, so most of us are out of a job starting approximately... now.
• April Fools'!