Paris Hilton's neighbor offered her landlord money to throw her ass into the street, Mel Gibson has definitely knocked up his Russian girlfriend/mistress, and A-Rod is boning romantic comedy actress Kate Hudson.

  • You want to know how to tell if you're a horrible human being? When you're such an awful neighbor that the person living next door to you is willing to pay off your landlord to kick you out so he doesn't have to live next door to you, that's how you know! [Mirror]

  • Mel Gibson's girlfriend is most definitely pregnant. Nice to see that Mel, despite all his other breakdowns of faith, is still not practicing birth control. [TMZ]

  • Alex Rodriquez and Kate Hudson have been seen hooking up all over town, at Mustang Grill on the Upper East Side, at Lure Fish Bar in Soho, and Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel, so yeah, he's totally boning the Matthew McConaughey out of her. [Page Six]

  • Wind-maligned disgraced pageant broad Carrie Prejean will not be getting her own day in San Diego. Surely she'll fight through the pain by posing topless for some random photographer while she prays to JESUS. [TMZ]

  • Rihanna is getting over Chris Brown by hanging out in strip clubs. [Page Six]

  • Ted Kennedy could never bring himself to explain what happened at Chappaquiddick Island to Mary Jo Kopechne's parents. [Gatecrasher]

  • All-caps emo-blogger Kanye West has pleaded not guilty to charges related to his assaulting a photographer [EOnline]

  • Lily Allen is on an African safari and is Twittering about it all over the place. So sad. [PITNB]