Well, after a week of is-he-or-isn't-he, it looks like that, no, Chris Cuomo will not be taking over for Diane Sawyer on ABC's "Good Morning America". George Stephanopoulous is. And JuJu Chang will takeover for Cuomo, who is leaving. Whew.

Sawyer's off to "ABC World News Tonight," where she will read news to the old people who watch it. As the Times reports, the GMA shake-up has been "shrouded in secrecy" and the subject of much tabloid and blog speculation, and the reconfiguration gives the show that sweet, sweet gender balance. But we still won't be waking up in time to watch it. [NYT]

•Nicolas Cage is almost existentially broke (is that a thing?): Christina Fulton, the mother of his eldest child, is suing him because, apparently, his legal problems have somehow left her $1.2 million in debt. This only makes sense because it is Nic Cage, and we would not put any level of fuck-uppery past him. [The Wrap]

•Quick: Name two actors who were huge in the nineties but are sort of washed-up now: Was it Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler? The duo is in talks to co-star in a new Columbia rom-com called "Pretend Wife," which follows Sandler as he tries to gather a wedding party. Remember when Aniston's hair was such a big deal? [THR]

•Dang, news reporters don't even have it this bad: A new website created by a PR group and a research company will be paying laid-off film critics $100 a pop to review arthouse films. Thing is: They basically just fill out a standardized survey like a focus group with questions like "who are your favorite characters?" So, film critics = glorified SAT-takers? [The Wrap]

•The Writers Guild of America has allowed writers for a joke-a-day iPhone app to become members. Surely, then, they can write a joke about this because we don't want to. [The Wrap]

•This is surely not the first New Moon related arrest, nor will it be the last: a 22-year-old girl was arrested on Nov. 28th for filming parts of the film with her digital camera: The potential sentence? Three years in prison!!! Maybe for Harry Potter this is a just punishment. Those movies were awesome. [The Wrap]

•Speaking of people from the 90s: Carsooooooonnnnnn!!!! The former MTV VJ and current NBC late-night host is back on the radio dial, where it all began. God, all the girls we had crushes on in middle school had such a crush on him. We will never forgive you Carson, no matter how many forms of media you conquer.