It wouldn't be the Emmys without someone getting snubbed, but at least most Emmy hopefuls get to decide where they'll be when they find out whether they got the nomination. "Fucking Indian woman who has her own fucking network television show" Mindy Kaling co-hosted this year's noms, so she had to remain on stage and keep reading announcements after she was passed over for Lead Actress in a Comedy.

Matt Lauer needs fresh blood to spread on his bread and so it was announced Thursday that Carson Daly, a dreamy-eyed father of two with heady, rich blood, deep crimson like the stigma of a saffron crocus, will be joining the Today show, as a permanent feature, beginning Monday, September 16. The program will also unveil its new open floor plan set on the same day.

This week's New Yorker contains a profile of Scooter Braun, 31-year-old manager of the Wanted, Carly Rae Jepsen and, most importantly, Justin Bieber ("For a reason that Braun can't explain, most of his acts are from the British Commonwealth," writes Lizzie Widdicombe).

Carson Daly made some poor choices this week. Daly used Tuesday's JetBlue pilot meltdown as fodder for his radio show, telling listeners: "if that were me... with my luck, it would be like, 'This is the flight going to the [gay] pride parade in San Francisco…Uh, we're headed down to Vegas for the floral convention.'" A regular cut-up, this guy. No wonder he is so good at—

From her concerts! Enrique Iglesias pulled out prematurely from Britney Spears' concerts. Lindsay Lohan evades a criminal charge. Denise Richards needs extra protection from Charlie Sheen. Wednesday gossip can't handle the truth.

When Bill Hader sat down with Carson Daly, we learned how he first got into comedy, where his sketch group first practiced (in Nick Offerman's workshop, of all places) and how he made it onto Saturday Night Live.

The TRL host of yesteryear just keeps hanging on. Also today: pilot casting news sees the return of some old favorites, V may be flying south, and Megan Fox is funny now apparently.

Nick Offerman, perhaps better known as Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation let Carson Daly and his camera crew into his very own woodshop. What, does it surprise you that Ron Swanson's a manly-man in real life, too?

Tonight, SNL opened with a Larry King Live parody that addressed the mess at NBC over its late night lineup. It sucked. What didn't suck, however, was Seth Meyers' anti-NBC rant during the Weekend Update segment. Video of both, inside.

The day after Co Co said No No to moving his time slot, Gawker.TV covered all of the late night shows to make sure not a single quip or sly remark escaped our radar. And tonight, nobody held back.

Conan O'Brien took to the airwaves tonight on the day he announced he'll leave NBC if he has to follow Jay Leno with another NBC/Leno-bashing broadcast. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson joined in, while Leno stayed mostly quiet.

Conan O'Brien has officially gone rogue. On the heels of Friday's unusually harsh monologue, O'Brien went after the network that screwed him even harder tonight. Also: David Letterman and Craig Ferguson chimed in with some NBC/Leno digs of their own.

• The cover of Vanity Fair's February issue will likely turn plenty of heads: It features a barechested Tiger Woods pumping iron. The photo by Annie Leibovitz was taken before the Woods sex scandal unfolded, however. [VF]
• Is New York Post editor Col Allan retiring? That's the rumor, although Allan says it's just "wishful thinking" on the part of the Daily News. [NYM, Politico]
• Cable spats: Fox and Time Warner reached a deal in their dispute on Friday. But Cablevision customers are still without the Food Network and HGTV.
• Dick Clark has clearly seen better days, but ABC's NYE telecast was No. 1 on Thursday night. NBC's Carson Daly-hosted program came in No. 2. [Variety]
• Disgraced ex-Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich will be one of the "stars" on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice, you'll be thrilled to hear. [UPI]
• Ten years after he presided over the merger of Time Warner and AOL, Jerry Levin now says it was all a big mistake and he's really, really sorry. [THR]
• Good news! The ad market for newspapers, magazines is looking up. [WSJ]
• Arianna Huffington and Glamour's Cindi Leive plan to sleep a lot in '10. [HP]
• Avatar was once again No. 1 at the box office this weekend. The film has now grossed more than $1 billion around the world since it was released. [THR]

Well, after a week of is-he-or-isn't-he, it looks like that, no, Chris Cuomo will not be taking over for Diane Sawyer on ABC's "Good Morning America". George Stephanopoulous is. And JuJu Chang will takeover for Cuomo, who is leaving. Whew.

"There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine." This sentence was uttered by Tucker Max, in response to a question from Carson Daly last night. Again: Tucker Max, Carson Daly, unapologetic masculinity. That is all.

Meryl Streep celebrates her 60th birthday today. Cyndi Lauper is turning 56. Rob Wiesenthal, Sony's No. 2 exec, is 43. Legendary M&A attorney Marty Lipton is turning 78. Kathryn Wylde, president of the Partnership for NYC, is 63. Senator Dianne Feinstein of California turns 76. Carson Daly is turning 36. Author Dan Brown is 45. Tracy Pollan, the actress and wife of Michael J. Fox, is turning 49. Actress Amy Brenneman is 45. TV personality Jai Rodriguez turns 30. Erin Brockovich is 49. Donald Faison of Scrubs is 35. Kurt Warner, the former Giants quarterback, is turning 38. Singer and drag queen Kevin Aviance is 41. And Lindsay Wagner of Bionic Woman fame is 60 today.

In your fuckin' Friday media column: the 'Do Not Feed Carson Daly' sign is ignored, rumors (now confirmed) of Brandweek's disintegration, and reporters want money from everyone, including Warren Buffett:

• The New York Times is now thinking of charging consumers for access to its web site, although doing so would be "tricky," says Bill Keller. Indeed. [NYT]
• There are some signs of further trouble at Forbes. [NYP]
• Martha Stewart is going to see if she can charge for online videos. [WWD]
• Advertisers are looking to channel recession-related outrage. [NYT]
• NBC has renewed Last Call with Carson Daly. Unfortunately. [THR]
• Did David Geffen really consider taking a stake in the Times? [NYP]
• Jay Leno's last guest on The Tonight Show: Conan O'Brien. [NYDN]
• Suze Orman is having her "moment," in case you weren't aware. [NYT]
• Is the Jon & Kate drama good news or bad news for TLC? [TDB]
• Brian Williams is still a Jersey boy, or so it would seem. [The Awl]

• Carson Daly has two reasons to get wasted today: It's St. Patrick's Day, of course. Plus he and his girlfriend Siri Pinter are new parents, too. [People]
• Jon Stewart's secret weapon in his rumble with Jim Cramer last week? His brother, Larry Leibowitz, is a senior exec at NYSE Euronext. [P6]
• A judge recalled Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant yesterday after seeing the proof that she hadn't stopped attending a court-ordered alcohol education class after all. Also: She hasn't checked into rehab again despite reports to the contrary. Not yet, at least. [NYDN, OK!]
• Natasha Richardson was hospitalized yesterday and is now in critical condition after a skiing accident in Montreal. [People]

· In a blockbuster exclusive with Conan O'Brien, Carson Daly confirmed that he is, in fact, a soulless mercenary with no conscience, scruples or remorse about his cultural crimes.