Falling on that prickly pear last week set of a chain reaction ruining LiLo's life. Jimi Hendrix has a sex tape. George Michael's internet sex life reveled. Miley says good-bye to her music career. Here's your Saturday gossip.

  • Lindsay Lohan was denied entry at a Victoria's Secret party: "As soon as she strolled up to the door, the rope was quickly pulled in front of her. She tried to pass the big bodyguard but he blocked her way." After negotiations, "the security guards weren't having it and escorted her to the exit." Which is weird, because Paris Hilton was photographed making her signature glassy-eyed blowjob face on the party's red carpet, and if they're letting in the Parises, why not the Lindsays? A "source close to the situation" says it was just a misunderstanding. [Radar, DailyMail]
  • Unless Lindsay was banned for her own good? "If she doesn't get help soon, she is going to die," says a "professional who is extremely close to Lindsay." I'm not sure what sort of "professional" would give an interview to TMZ (the "professional" who waxes her bikini line? the one who does her laundry?) but apparently it's related to the time she fell on a cactus in front of the paparazzi. Prickly pears are a harbinger of death. [TMZ]
  • An 11-minute Jimi Hendrix sex tape is coming out in May. Cynthia Plaster Caster, a "recovering groupie" turned artist who once made a cast of Hendrix's dong, authenticated the footage: "That's his dick." [NME]
  • Beyonce's rep says the latest story about her pregnant is "not true," which is a relief, because it'd be really awkward to have a baby right after her dad had one with his mistress. [People]
  • Miley Cyrus' final record comes out in June, "and then I'm done" because "the music industry isn't as positive as I'd like it to be." The announcement was met with uncharacteristic positivity from recording techs sick of autotuning Miley's warbles. [E!]
  • "George Michael is loving the Down Under gay scene." He's been photographed cavorting with muscle men and reportedly uses the name "Back for Wood" when he sends sexy pictures to potential hook-up buddies on men-only site Grindr. [P6]
  • Chloe Sevigny rather regrets calling the TV show she stars in "awful." After slamming Big Love's most recent season, Chloe is now backtracking: "I wasn't thinking about what I was saying... sometimes things slip out that you don't mean, and I obviously didn't mean what I said in any way, shape, or form. I love being on the show." Please please don't fire me, she added in her head. [P6]
  • Gerard Butler ubiquity watch: The wacky Scotman appeared onstage during a comedy show with Soul Plane's Godfrey. Gerard Butler's life is one long cameo appearance. [P6]
  • A "newly-released search warrant" lists all the stuff cops found at Jacko's home after his death (who knew there were any unreleased documents left in this case?) including dozens of intravenous sedatives. [TMZ]
  • Dredges from the Jesse James cheat-a-thon: He took off his ring to seduce Mistress #3. Mistress #3 is friends with Kristen Stewart. His sexual harassment victim has a name now, and says he flashed his famous penis at her and touched her breasts. [Radar, Radar, People]

Image via Pacific Coast News