Dead moms! Body piercing! Fat baby diets! Fat drug diets! And somebody poking all up in your teeth, for your own good! It's health watch, where we watch your health—while getting our shine on, simultaneously!

  • Good lord, while maternal deaths during childbirth is down worldwide, here in the US it has actually risen by more than a third in the past two decades. What the hell are you doing wrong, doctors and whomever else?
  • Wyoming resident Ed Burns set the Guinness World Record for body piercings, getting 1,501 needles inserted into himself in just over four hours. We feel that "Wyoming resident" is sufficient explanation.
  • "Baby fat may help you lose weight." Yes, scientists say that baby fat, which is "brown fat," is better than adult(?) fat, which is white fat, and somehow in there it helps you lose weight—maybe by going on an all-baby diet. The point is, politically correct scientists are reverse racist against your fat.
  • If you can't find enough babies to eat, maybe this new generation of obesity drugs can help. What these do is to fuck with your nervous system in order to curb your appetite. They are called "speed," I believe.
  • Jesus, what does the dentist want to do to you now? They want to add "length or bulk" to your teeth, to give you a "youthful appearance." Yea, my teeth were skinny when I was a kid and they'll stay that way, thanks. Btw they invented this a long time ago, it's called "Get a fresh gold grill," ha. Dirty south (science).

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