Stage mom extraordinaire Dina Lohan gets into a pissing match over high-fat freebies. Lindsay's alcohol-monitoring bracelet's alert a false alarm. David Spade bags improbable hottie Padma Lakshmi. TGIFriday gossip.

  • This story speaks volumes about the Lohan clan: Dina Lohan called the cops on a store clerk at Carvel icecream (the poor man's Dairy Queen) who tried to deny her a freebie. Apparently daughter Lindsay has a special "Carvel Black Card," which is a promotion Carvel did last year to try to get famous people to eat their clown-themed ice cream cakes. Obviously, none of them ever do, including Lindsay who gave the card to Dina, who used it so frequently that her local Long Island Carvel outlet tried to confiscate the card—only to have Dina call the cops on them for stealing her property. A confused policeman made the clerk give her card back, no word whether Dina had to pay for the cheap cake she was there to pick up. (Those things cost, what, $5?) Carvel issued a statement this morning saying "the Lohan family has been abusing the card": "This is an unfortunate situation where certain people feel entitled to use a celebrity's name for their own purposes." Actually, this is The Beverly Hillbillies meets reality television meets Long Island. [P6, CarvelIceCreamNewsroom, image from an unrelated court date via Splash]
  • In happier news, Lindsay's alcohol-use snafu was a false alarm, after all: A court-ordered urine sample taking hours after LiLo's booze-sniffing SCRAM went off showed her to be sober and clean. More evidence that SCRAM bracelets are medieval pieces of shit. [TMZ, E!]
  • Gary Coleman has been cremated. The ashes are in storage until his loved ones stop fighting and figure out what they want to do with them. [E!]
  • Snooki went partying with Knicks star David Lee, who is 6'9". She must have been talking into his bellybutton all night. [P6]
  • Jeremy London's family appears not to believe the washed-up actor's story of being kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to do that which he loves, smoke crack. Noting that he loves Jeremy "very, very much," twin brother Jason said, "You're 40, grow up." [E!]
  • Meanwhile, Jeremy's Palm Springs neighbor has a weird story about Jeremy begging for money or work washing cars. Hard times for Mr. London. [Radar]

Good god, David Spade snagged another outrageously hot date: Padma Lakshmi, who was photographed by his side, alone, at night, with no one else around. Did this awkward little man sell his soul to the devil or something? [Popeater, image via Pacific Coast News]

  • Warren Beatty's 18-year-old daughter Kathlyn is actually a man: Stephen Ira, as he is now called, is reportedly planning to undergo surgery. [DailyMail]
  • Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson are "taking a break" from each other. They're both taking breaks from their careers, too, so I guess they have a lot of time on their hands, now. [Us]
  • Dean Winters, whose career revolves around playing terrible ex-boyfriends (30 Rock, Sex and the City) died last year and was brought back to life. "I died on Fifth Avenue." (Don't we all.) He got gangrene and lost two toes and half a thumb in the process. [P6]
  • America Ferrera is engaged to longtime boyfriend Ryan Piers Williams. They met as students at the University of Southern California, where Ryan cast America in a student film. Mazel tov! [People]