Since Brangelina definitely aren't breaking up, gossips dig deep for rumors from Angie's past. SamRo visits LiLo in jail. Bret Michaels' tour bus busted for drugs. Mel Gibson's latest rumored rant: "I want Jew blood on my hands." TGIFriday gossip.

  • Brangelina won their lawsuit against News of the World, which falsely reported their breakup earlier this year. To fill the void created by the absence of Brangelina rumors, Angelina: An Unauthorized Biography arrives like manna from heaven, to save us from this drought. Angelina Jolie's new rumors: Her mother abandoned her for two years ("Bertrand sequestered Jolie in a separate apartment of the building, where the young girl was cared for by a revolving staff"), Angelina took a sexy shower with Leonardo DiCaprio but there was "little sexual rapport" between them, Colin Farrell fell in love with her, she rejected David Duchovny, she had a rendezvous with Ralph Fiennes in London. [E!, Us, Crushable, image via Getty]
  • Lindsay Lohan's latest jailhouse visitor: Samantha Ronson. This brings LiLo's visitor tally to five (lawyer, mother, sister, manager, ex-girlfriend) and reopens all kinds of sapphic speculation. Are LiLo and SamRo getting back together? Will Linds emerge from jail a full-on lesbian? (Cross fingers.) And, what should we call the LiLo-SamRo relationship? For theirs is a romance for the ages, starcrossed lesbian lovers rended apart and tossed back together in the shifting winds of fate and circumstance—their love rekindled at the exact moment they would be kept apart by the steely bars of a women's prison in Los Angeles. After visiting LiLo, SamRo tweeted, "Song Of The Day: Rolling Stones - Waiting on A Friend." Don't you dare take this platonic, Sam. The public demands love. [People]
  • Lynwood Correctional Facility is fielding calls for Lindsay at a rate of 100/hour. All fans, and all are rejected. Try a postcard instead! [TMZ]
  • Drug-sniffing dogs found weed and "a quantity of Schedule II controlled substances" (probably coke, meth, or oxycodone) in Bret Michaels' tour bus. They were in Indiana at a time, and Bret was present and cooperative. No arrests were made, but citations were issued. [E!]
  • Orlando Bloom and model Miranda Kerr married "in secret," but Miranda did a press release about it, so "secret" is relative. The engagement was only a month and everyone thinks Miranda's pregnant, but she has yet to confirm a bun in her oven, so maybe she just ate a sandwich and fell in love. In the world of celebrity-watching speculation, well-fed love and procreation are easily confused. [P6, People]
  • Kim Kardashian is "in a huge love affair with my career right now." Since her career is herself (and her butt) Kim K. is basically having a torrid romance with her own rear end. [People]
  • Today in terrible things Mel Gibson has allegedly said: "I want Jew blood on my hands" about a Hollywood Jew. (Ari Emanuel?) According to a member of Team Oksana, Mel "said he wanted the person taken to the desert, stripped naked, knee capped and left in the heat." [Radar]
  • Meanwhile, Team Mel points out that Oksana Grigorieva keeps switching lawyers and she tried to sue Mel for $15 million before going public with the battle. Lawyers are now fighting over whether to admit Oksana's computer into evidence. Team Oksana responds by procuring a text message from the day after Mel alleged punched Oksana in the face: "I wasn't safe for you lat night." Methinks he was safe for her never. [TMZ, TMZ, Radar]
  • Turns out The-Dream filed for divorce from Christina Milian nine days before she gave birth to their child. The marriage, he said, is "irretrievably broken." [TMZ]
  • Michael Lohan has been charged with second degree harassment after a fight in which fiance Kate Major says he kicked her in the face and threatened to kill her. His lawyer's defense: "Most often, second degree harassment violations are resolved by the payment of a fine of up to $250." Well, as long as the punishment isn't so bad, I guess it's OK, then. [TMZ]
  • Another day, another sexual harassment suit against David Boreanaz. The new one comes from an extra on Bones who said David offered to "make things happen for her," then jacked off while staring at her in his car. Is it just me, or are horrifying tales of menacing men dominating the gossip-sphere more than usual lately? [TMZ]
  • Negative media attention is Snooki's life force: "The negative stuff? I get off on it.... Every time they call me a midget, Oompa-Loompa, orange, they're just jealous. It makes me want to be more ridiculous and more stupid." To keep Jersey Shore's entertainment value high, it is your patriotic duty to insult Snooki constantly. [P6]