After a year-long study of male sexual performance, researchers have found that men with higher body mass indices last seven minutes longer than their slender counterparts. The decidedly unsexy reason: Fat men have more female hormones.

Apparently estrogen slows a man's progression to orgasm, so fat men are paradoxically more womanly (chemically speaking) and better at pleasing their partners. (Assuming people of either gender actually want long-lasting sex, as opposed to "Get it over with already!" sex.) Salon's Judy Mandelbaum points out there may be a "quality vs. quantity" issue, but since America is the fattest country, I think we should ignore that and embrace this blindly. All hail the fat sex gods of the greatest nation in the world! [Salon, image via Mihail Zheleznyak/Shutterstock]