The most beautiful woman in the world has the ugliest laugh. Justin Bieber sprains his knee. Lindsay Lohan forgoes painkillers. Katy Perry's married life is like "a sitcom." Friday gossip needs a better laugh track.

  • Revelations from Vogue's new profile of Angelina Jolie: "She has a seriously filthy laugh." (Like this: "Uhhuhhuhhehhehheh." That's a direct quote.) Her nannies speak a thousand different languages, tailored to each child: Vietnamese for Pax, Cambodian for Maddox. "We have not yet attempted Amharic [Zahara's native Ethiopian language] but we will one day." We also discover that Angelina is only so-so at cooking, more beautiful than Princess Diana, and "probably the only global megastar that doesn't even have an agent-she doesn't even have a publicist." She does have a manager and a lawyer, though. [Vogue]
  • Shaggy-haired hormone hero Justin Bieber sprained his knee mid-concert last night. He "soldiered through the pain and finished the show." He sacrificed his personal wellbeing knowing that, if he stopped performing, an angry mob of ticketholding tweens would have razed the entire city of Cleveland, Ohio. Bieber should really get a medal for doing this. [TMZ]
  • Lindsay Lohan is so committed to sobriety, she had dental surgery and refused painkillers. She's replaced drugs and booze with masochism! She's a pain junkie, high on adrenaline and bloodlust! Girl just can't win. [Radar]
  • This is sad: Demi Lovato's dad claimed she called him from rehab to say "she really loves her daddy," forcing Demi's rep released a statement saying it never happened. When your statements of familial love draw public denials, it's time to cut your losses. [P6]
  • Witness, ye, the headline that harkens paparazzapocalypse: "PHOTOS: Who Wore It Best? Shiloh Jolie Pitt Vs. Cruz Beckham." In case you were wondering, the answer is Shiloh. [Radar]
  • Cher went down the list of her romantic conquests with David Letterman last night: Elvis Presley? "Almost. I got nervous." Marlon Brando? "Yes." [CBS via Us]

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  • Russell Brand says married life with Katy Perry is like "a sitcom." Canned laughter, obvious humor, and asinine sight gags? Sounds about right. (Man, hating on Katy Perry is fun. Ur so EZ 2 Ts, K.T.!) [Us]
  • Hear ye, hear ye, the "brutal fight" that ended Billy Ray Cyrus' marriage to Miley Cyrus' mother: "Tish locked herself in her bedroom to escape Billy Ray's wrath. And he pounded on the door screaming: 'Come out here and talk to me, bitch! You let everyone run wild when I'm not here! It's going to STOP!'" Um, that's horrifying. Let's hope it's not true. [NationalEnquirer]
  • Halle Berry went shopping and lost her daughter: "I looked down at a price tag or something, and she toddled off for what seemed like two seconds. The next thing I know, I looked back around and it was like, Whosh! Gone! And I said, 'Nayla? Nayla? Nayla?' Gone." She started sweating bullets and screaming like a mad woman. Turns out Nayla was inside one of those circular clothing displays that exist solely for little children to hide in. [Us]
  • Christina Hendricks and Elisabeth Moss "absolutely hate each other!" This is probably a lie, but all the same: Fight! Fight! Fight! [NationalEnquirer]
  • Vera Farmiga had her baby. Name: Gytta Lubov Hawkey. Thank you, Vera, for creating the first situation in which I am tempted to tease a newborn infant girl. Must… resist… [People]
  • Meanwhile, John Travolta "can't wait to meet" the son Kelly Preston will soon bear him. They, too, have chosen a name: Benjamin. [People]
  • Angelina Pivarnick from Jersey Shore has a rap song. "You can't replace / Or crowd my space / So step off bitch / Or I'll punch your face." Angelina Jolie provides a response: Uhhuhhuhhehhehheh. [TMZ]