A man says he stole Paris Hilton's fancy birthday cake, and offers photographic proof. Lindsay Lohan goes clubbing, then home with Samantha Ronson. Ashlee Simpson parties until sunrise with sk8er bois. TGIFriday gossip.

  • This guy named PAZ who went to Yale, then grew up to be a deejay/musician/thingamabob, says he crashed Paris Hilton's birthday party (same birthday she got a $375,000 car for) and ended up stealing her cake. To get in, all he needed was a red wristband with a 'P' on it. Inside, there were six open bars and laser light cyborg go-go dancers. Paris had multiple cakes, one of which was ornate, red, and had the word "Paris" printed on it. The other one looked like a giant shoebox. After Paris blew out the candles, the waitstaff started slicing the shoebox one, and PAZ asked what would happen to the red one. Answer: "They'll probably just throw it out." After some deliberation and walking around, PAZ throws back his shoulders and strides back into the cake room: "In one fluid motion, I sidestep a confused waiter, seize the prize, and about-face to th door. I pass the security chief again on the way out. I nod purposefully. He nods in return. 40 seconds later I'm in the front seat of a Nissan Maxima with 70 lbs. of awesome in my lap." All hail PAZ, party crasher of the year. (Allegedly.) PAZ, if you're out there and want someone to share that cake with, hit me up. [PAZ.fm, Image of Paris via Getty, insets via PAZ.fm]
  • When Miley Cyrus read that that father Billy Ray Cyrus thinks the devil destroyed her, she found herself "furious that her own flesh and blood would make a private matter so public. Who does he think he is, Michael Lohan?" Well said, anonymous friend of Miley who should consider becoming a blogger. "He never said a bad word about Hannah Montana all those years it made millions for the family, and now that Miley has turned 18 and is making her own decisions, he does this. Unforgivable." Ooh, I sense a "Confessions of My Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)" moment coming up. [Popeater]
  • Ex-addict Christian Slater "reached out" to Lindsay Lohan during her (ongoing) alcoholic meltdown: "I appreciated the people who reached out to me." As for going to jail, it was "Honestly, not so bad. Jail was a result of me not taking time for myself." Actually, it was the result of assaulting his girlfriend and a police officer, but that's beside the point. What I really want to know is, what magical jail did this man go to, that sounds like a meditative retreat at a fancy spa? Is there a wait list? Can I get in? [Details]
  • Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, she came out of hiding for the first time since her felony grand theft charge to get her hair done. (Seems like every time LiLo's trying to lay low, she blows her cover because she needs a trim. I see the wisdom of Britney Spears shaving her head, now.) Afterwards she went clubbing with Samantha Ronson, arriving separately but driving home together. Neighborly rideshare, or steamy ex sex? [X17, TMZ]
  • For his fourteenth birthday, Prince Jackson had a mani-pedi spa day with aunt LaToya Jackson. I wish I had an Aunt LaToya. [Gatecrasher]
  • Why, oh why, did Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz break up? According to Us, Ashlee "has been out late partying for the past few months" with professional skateboarders who really get her emo-lust going, and it reached the point that Pete "couldn't trust her." Popeater adds that creeptastic father-manager Joe Simpson is probably to blame, too: "Joe likes being the only man in his daughters' lives and is happy that Ashlee has moved back into his home, just like Jessica did after she announced she was leaving Nick." Skater boys and daddy issues: Ashlee Simpson is a perma-teenager in the American public's collective mind's eye. [Us, Popeater]
  • Speaking of Ashlee and Papa Joe, apparently they tried to time the divorce news to coincide with Lindsay Lohan's court appearance, to deflect public scrutiny. "But it backfired because Lindsay going to court is, these days, as much a surprise as the sun rising in the morning." Another anonymous source who sounds like a blogger. Has blogspeak infected everyone? Or are these sources actually celebrity journalists. [P6]
  • Rod Stewart's young-enough-to-be-his-daughter wife gave birth to their child. The little boy has been named Aiden. Mazel tov! [People]
  • Jennifer Hudson on dropping 80 lbs. (from size 16 to 6) and showing up to the Grammy's looking like Ciara: "I liked who I was then, and I like who I am now," but wants to "set a good example for my son" by, uh, being healthy? Being skinny? Making a ton of money as a Weight Watchers spokeswoman? The possibilities are endless. [Star]
  • Nicki Minaj, who got her start collaborating with every A-list rapper on the planet, is done collaborating: "No more collabs for the next two years. Although, Britney's a snatch like me, and she's cute. Yes. We might do something." Did she just call Britney a vagina? [MTV]
  • Charlie Sheen is stuck on the little-known "random ramshackle favors for people who don't care about you" step of Alcoholics Anonymous, because he went to the fire department that responded to his porn party 911 call to thank them for being so helpful. He posed in yellow fireman pants and gave everyone Leatherman knives as gifts. [TMZ]