The little lady's got some heat on her, fresh off of one hit and onto a potential second one. Also today: Tom Cruise likes 'em big, two actors join the fight against the zombies, and J.Lo might J.Go.

  • Ellie Kemper is certainly having a good summer. First Bridesmaids became a big lady-hit and everyone was happy about that. And now she's been cast in the movie remake of 21 Jump Street, in which she'll play the love interest for sentient bologna statue Channing Tatum. Oh la la! I mean, Jonah Hill is the other dude in the movie, so it could have been him... Anyway, Tatum plays a policeman who goes undercover as a high school student, and Kemper will play his teacher who develops a crush on him. She will be funny and cute at that! Good for her. [Indiewire]
  • Alleged Earth human Tom Cruise has just gotten himself involved with a new project, this one based on a book series about "policeman-turned-drifter" Jack Reacher. Aha. Jack Reacher. Let's see: About the role, Cruise said "The character's pretty flat in the books, so I'd really like Reacher rounder. I said to the writers, 'Please, give me Reacher rounder.' It's what I want so bad." Yeah? Is that it? Is that the joke we do here? I mean, tangled up in this swamp knot of a trades item there is a pretty good jack-off/reach-around/Tom Cruise is gay joke, but darned if it's hard to get to. We'll just have to leave it there. Anyway, fans of the books might be upset because Jack Reacher (snarf) is supposed to be 6'5" and totally buff and whatnot, whereas Tom Cruise is four-foot nine and boxes in the "noodle weight" class that was created just for him. Despite that, Cruise has been interested in the role for a long time, so he's going to do it. I mean, the guy's a drifter! "Think of all those rest stops..." Cruise recently murmured to no one in particular. [Deadline]
  • Uh oh. Hold onto your hair dicks. Avatar dragon rape fetishist James Cameron is supposedly in talks with 20th Century Fox to make a new sci-fi epic. Though don't worry, Cameron won't be writing or directing this one, just executive producing. Cameron's Avatar star Lulu the Raped Dragon Sam Worthington would produce and maybe star. The movie is called Myth and it's about, well... nobody knows. The Bible? The thing where Playboy magazine said they couldn't list your college as a party school because it would be unfair to list professionals with amateurs? (Yes, that is a myth. Sorry, dudes.) It could be about anything! It could be about a kid with a lisp trying to get his unmarried teacher's attention! Literally anything! [THR]
  • Speaking of myths, Darren Aronofsky is still steaming ahead with that Noah's Ark movie, and now it seems he's decided he wants famously cool, calm, and collected actor Christian Bale to play the title role. Ohhh dear. So Christian Bale is like totally going to grow a long beard and build a big boat and flood his backyard to practice for this movie, isn't he? That's just what he does, gets all Methody with it. If you live near Christian Bale, keep an eye on your pets, because they're going to start disappearing in pairs. That's all I'm saying. The more you know. [Vulture]
  • Grizzled actors of varying stages of grizzle Matthew Fox and Ed Harris have both been cast in the upcoming big-screen adaptation of World War Z. How exciting for them! It's unclear what roles they'll play, but I think it's safe to assume they won't be zombies. I think they'll probably be normal dudes who become grizzled dudes once the zombie war comes and men are forced to begrizzle themselves, or die. [Deadline]
  • Ooh, attention ladies! ABC has announced the new cast of the next season of Bachelor Pad, and it is sizzling! Some of the hot, sexy men in the cast will be a man named "Rated R," some other guy who's dating that Viena lady, and suspected (by me at least) serial killer Jake Pavelka. Ooh, too hot! Too hot! There are a bunch of other dudes on the show too, real winners all, just champions of this thing called living, just real go-getter awesome types who are going places fast. And there are some ladies who... whatever. [EW]
  • From good news to tragic news. Jennifer Lopez says that she's "on the fence" about whether or not she's going to be a judge on American Idol next season. That's not the tragic news. I mean, J.Lo, OK, sure, either way. The tragic news is that nowhere in this article does it say that Randy Jackson has been fired... out of a cannon and into the ocean where he can hoot nonsensical things at the fishes and seagulls and leave us blessedly be. That's the tragedy, right there. [THR}
  • As if your recurring nightmare from the mid-'80s was finally coming true, Rob Lowe is going to murder you. [Deadline]

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