Everyone's favorite New York Post sex monster Andrea Peyser has once again dipped her pen in sexy red ink and written a hot-blooded crime noir about the acquittal of "tot mom" Casey Anthony. It's dark, folks. Our usual chronicler of Ms. Peyser's Zane-like tone poems is out today, so I think it best to just let Ms. Peyser speak for herself.

Casey Anthony sa-shayed into the courtroom yesterday tarted up like a Florida sorority girl looking for a quick-and-dirty hookup.

Andrea Peyser knows all about those quick-'n'-dirties, you'd better believe it.

"Oh, my gosh. There she is. She looks beautiful!" Casey's ditzy mom, Cindy, enthused inappropriately as her little gal strolled by to her sentencing.

Andrea Peyser will tell you how to appropriately enthuse, thank you very much.

Before our eyes, she once again became the self-absorbed girl who competed in "hot body" contests, rubbing her parts against random boys and girls in bars after her little daughter, Caylee, went missing.

The party girl is back, bitches!

"Parts." Andrea Peyser, an adult, just said the word "parts" when talking about genitalia. "Parts." Is it almost her nap time?

Defense attorneys, who'd already gotten her off with barely a slap on the wrist, wanted Casey sprung immediately, with only time served as punishment for the greatest miscarriage of justice ever to hit the East Coast. She'd just been cleared of murder, manslaughter and, heck, even speaking harshly to the poor, dead girl.

Whoaaaa. Whuuuut? The "greatest miscarriage of justice ever to hit the East Coast"?? Hatchie matchie! That is a spicy meatball, Andy. Hard to swallow.

So those are the highlights but you really should read the whole thing, because it is a gorgeous deluxe sampling of Ms. Peyser at her most floridly turgid. Warning: It will arouse you.