Perpetually enraged sex columnist Andrea Peyser declares (Jewish) Bernie Sanders “Anti-Semitic,” and contrasts him with Ivanka Trump, who “has given birth to three Jewish children, delighting the tykes’ grandfather.” But is Hillary Clinton a slut? We anxiously await Andrea’s ruling.

Andrea Peyser, a troll who lives under a bridge and also an anger columnist at the New York Post, is very angry about the fact that the NYPD choked Eric Garner to death, then let his mom out of a traffic ticket. She's mad about the ticket part.

"Knitted boyfriend substitutes are 'hot' stuff." Frankly we're getting a little worried about Andrea Peyser.

Even coming from tabloid gutter cleaner Andrea Peyser, the "It's cold so global warming is a lie" column still has the power to take your breath away, with stupidity. What, no minorities to shriek at today, Andrea?

Despicable gutter tabloid columnist and human embodiment of the emotion of hate Andrea Peyser today uses her column today to piss on the memory of Philip Seymour Hoffman.

By taking a selfie with the "voluptuously curvy" "blonde bimbo" "Danish cupcake" prime minister and her "gentle gams" "covered by nothing more substantial than sheer black stockings," Barack Obama acted like "a hormone-ravaged frat boy on a road trip to a strip bar." Andrea Peyser was robbed of the 2013 Bad Sex in Fiction award.

Today, Andrea Peyser squares off with Rachael Sacks to see which will be named "the urban goddess of our age." Everybody wins.

Sex-obsessed tabloid hatred columnist Andrea Peyser calls for banning books in her column today. Good to see you back in the game, Andrea.

Sad news, chuckleheads: Perma-enraged seething cauldron of bigotry and ill-concealed sexual tension Andrea Peyser, the tabloid columnist who has been a longtime "Gawker favorite" in the same sense that Slobodan Milosevic was a "favorite" of the International Criminal Tribunal, is taking a leave of absence from the New York Post.

Whinging tabloid moralist Andrea Peyser, who is definitely, without a doubt, a 100% red-blooded heterosexual American woman, simply cannot stop thinking about hero athlete Lindsey Vonn being forced to pee in a cup, while being watched by another woman.

In Hurricane Sandy's deadly wake, New York City lost its power. It lost its hot water. It lost businesses, and homes, and dreams. But there is one thing that no devastating natural disaster can take away from us: the hateful rantings of tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser.

Andrea Peyser—leading hate and sex and hate sex sexxxpert at New York's trashiest tabloid—has, at long last, issued her presidential endorsement. She has made her choice primarily on the basis of her feminist values.

Angry self sin-loathing heterosexual human sexuality sex columnist Andrea Peyser has long supported strong role models for young teenage girls of America who want nothing more than to lead a simple life involving simulated rape scenes with vampires within the confines of a traditional marriage. Well. Andrea has some very, very sad news to break to you, tween-age aspiring vampire fuckers: that movie Twilight was apparently not a documentary.

Andrea Peyser, New York's leading heterosexual sex columnist, has an opinion on the very latest news in the case of the Alleged Hot Lesbian Teachers—last week's ruling that Alleged Hot Lesbian Teacher Alini Brito may return to the classroom. As your leading internet aggregator of Alleged Hot Lesbian Teacher news, we are obligated to bring this opinion to you. Here it is:

If I were to pick one person who should be the proper judge of all the world's morality, I would pick cheap tabloid columnist Andrea Peyser, who hates gays, Muslims, and minorities with the same fervor that she loves lurid sexual innuendo. She just seems like the best choice, to pass judgment on those who she deems to be insensitive. I don't see any problems with that.

"Let's teach horny frogs to zip it up" is the headline today on the professional newspaper column written by Andrea "Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Embittered Tabloid Lady" Peyser. Seems like a good headline for someone whose primary interests are anger and frog cocks. (Andrea Peyser.) What is in this column, today?

Slut-obsessed sexual sex columnist and hate machine Andrea Peyser is unafraid to speak out when hot, young, sexual teens are doing something potentially sexual, with their bodies. Journalism, you see, is the reason that Andre recently spent the day prowling St. Marks Place, watching young kids who've been taught at Elementary Sex Palaces get piercings in dark, unspeakable places. "We have 16-year-old girls who want their nipples pierced!'' one piercing guy tells Andrea Peyser, I imagine after she hit him with a blackjack, stripped him naked, tied him to a bed, and demanded, "Tell me about teenage girls getting their nipples pierced, or else."

Screeching tabloid sex witch Andrea Peyser watched the HBO show Girls on television last night. Did she like it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But seriously, guys. Andrea located a portly female.

Cat-stroking xenophobe Andrea Peyser has a Google Alert that plays the entire score to Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will every time it finds a story under "New York Times AND NYPD AND I Hate Terrorist Muslims." Ding ding ding! Today, like every day, is Andrea Peyser's lucky day.

Shrieking tabloid xenophobe and enemy of sluts Andrea Peyser really hates Valentine's Day. Haha, "shocker," right? Haha, "breaking news." Haha. But seriously guys.