Peanut Butter and Jelly Burglar on the Loose
With so many of America's criminals going the "violent psychopath" route—an overdone schtick if there ever was one—it's nice to hear about a burglar who sounds as though they derived stylistic inspiration from illustrated children's books. This person's even vegetarian-friendly.
Because the burglar's name and gender remain unknown, we'll just refer to them as the Peanut Butter and Jelly Burglar for now. On July 21, a Seattle resident came home to discover that the PB&J Burglar had struck:
According to the police report, peanut butter and jelly was smeared on most of the floors, furniture and more. Even the man's dog was covered in peanut butter and jelly, according to the report.
The only item the burglar stole was the jar of peanut butter. Why didn't they take the jar of jelly as well? High-fructose corn syrup enhances the thieving experience by raising one's energy level and improving concentration. Perhaps the burglar was not "ready" for it, for this jelly.
The victim believes that the suspect's a drug-using friend of his daughter's, based in part on this clue: "According to the daughter, her friend smeared lotion all over another friend's apartment the previous night." Paz, was this you?
Besides the smearing, the suspect also threw up in the daughter's bed. So I guess they're the Bed-Barfing Burglar as well.
