Instagram’s walking Entourage, Dan Bilzerian, enjoys many things—money, women, hurling women off his roof—but perhaps the thing he enjoys most is firearms. He owns many, many guns, and they’re quite well-documented on his social media accounts. That’s how an alleged burglar or burglars must have known right where to go during a break-in at Bilzerian’s leased Hollywood Hills mansion Friday night.

An Argentine steelworker and his wife were awoken early Friday morning by a gang of armed burglars looting their house. Two of the three men had guns, but they didn't get a chance to use them before the sleepy homeowner took a samurai sword off the wall and savagely "smote them in the arms" with it.

An Uber driver in Denver was arrested this week after he allegedly drove a woman to the airport, then drove right back to her house to rob it.

Alright, stop, collaborate and listen: Ice is back with a brand new burglary charge for allegedly plundering an abandoned South Florida home near a place he was renovating for his reality TV show, The Vanilla Ice Project.

A woman in Hurley, Mississippi was discovered by cops this week stealing items from cars in a high school parking lot, after which she told them she wasn't stealing exactly, she was looking for members of ISIS.

An Oregon mom told police that a strange man broke into her house, hid in her 7-year-old daughter's bedroom, and escaped through the window early Tuesday morning. The intruder left behind a photo in the girl's closet and a replaced the cartoons in her DVD player with a porn disc.

According to the Hernando County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office, 18-year-old Logan Brown (left, trying not to laugh) and 20-year-old Christopher Ramos smoked some weed last week and "decided to go on an adventure."

Burglars rarely return to the scene of the crime — much less in order to return the things they stole.

The only thing stolen during a recent home invasion was the family dog, an East Wenatchee, Washington, couple told police.

Over the summer, ten pieces of Cartier jewelry were stolen from the NYC brownstone of professional actress and redhead Julianne Moore. The items were valued at $127,000. No arrests have been made. Luckily, the New York Times' on the scene reporter has rounded up a few suspects.

Ways to judge a crime movie: Box office earnings, critical acclaim, spin-off crimes. Ben Affleck's The Town performed decently by the first two standards, but on that third standard, The Town really knocked it out of the park!

Two brothers have been arrested in Lawrence County, Penn., for stealing a bridge. Yep.

If you have 30 CDs stolen from you, it's perfectly understandable that you'd go to the cops. If those 30 CDs are filled with child porn, on the other hand, well, the cops are likely to be less sympathetic.

Felonious, hypersexual people just can't stop crashing into the AdultMart of Brownhelm Township, Ohio to steal sex toys! In the latest incident involving theft at the popular sex-stablishment, a man stole a semi and crashed it into the place, making off with a $800 "life-like masturbator complete with female genitalia with legs and buttocks."

So now the American Kennel Club's saying that dog theft's up by 32 percent this year. Apparently their special database recording animal thefts has recorded 224 reports since January 1. That's almost as many thefts recorded in all of 2010 (255, if you're keeping score).

The vegan philosopher Morrissey tells us that "meat is murder," and for our vegetarian purposes he's correct. But murder is also murder, which is why you can't shoot your drug dealer even if he brazenly gives you hamburger instead of weed.

With so many of America's criminals going the "violent psychopath" route—an overdone schtick if there ever was one—it's nice to hear about a burglar who sounds as though they derived stylistic inspiration from illustrated children's books. This person's even vegetarian-friendly.

There's a specific kind of person who thinks, after watching tons of procedural justice TV shows, that he could commit the perfect crime. And there's an even more specific kind of person who actually can. Enacting an elaborate plot to frame his ex-girlfriend for armed robbery, Queens resident Jerry Ramrattan almost became the latter.

To move into his brand-new home, all Kenneth Robinson had to do was fill out a form, write down that the home had been foreclosed upon and abandoned, take the form to his local courthouse, and hand over $16 to the nice clerk lady. So easy!

You know how sometimes you and a friend are in the middle of stealing someone's power tools when suddenly you get the urge to "make love" to them, plus also pepper-spray them a little? You do know this, right?