Kanye West is running his mouth off again, this time showing some sympathy for the devil. J. Lo and Steven Tyler are fighting about money, Ashton Kutcher is a thief, and Lindsay Lohan finally met someone crazier than her. Monday's gossip is revisionist history.

  • Add this to the ever expanding Stupid Shit Kanye West Has Said file. As the closing act at England's Big Chill Festival (did Glenn Close, Kevin Kline, and Jeff Goldblum also perform?), Kanye got on stage and told 40,000 fans that he knows just what it must have been like to be Hitler. (And it was caught on video.) "I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street, and people look at me like I'm fucking insane, like I'm Hitler. One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did." Yes, Kanye West and Hitler. The world's two great misunderstood geniuses. There aren't enough shaking heads in the world. [Radar]
  • There are some new hosts on American Idol but the same old contract negotiation drama. Jennifer Lopez is just about to sign a deal with $20 million for next season. That's $10 million a butt cheek. Steven Tyler is the one feeling like an ass though, because last year he signed a two year deal worth about $10 million a year. That means all of Steven Tyler is only worth one of J.Lo's asscheeks. She's so damn greedy, and she doesn't even have charity case Marc Anthony on her payroll anymore. When reached for comment about what he thought of the brouhaha, Randy Jackson said, "Dawg, Dawg, Pitchy, Dawg." [P6]
  • Ashton Kutcher is a nasty thief. He stole a surf board prop from the Teen's Choice Awards last night that the crew needed for the rest of the show. He just drove off with it. No, the surf board prop is not a metaphor for Two and a Half Men and the crew is not a stand in for Charlie Sheen. That's not why he's nasty though. He's nasty because he wore flip-flops to the show. Disgusting. [Us]
  • There is someone involved with Lindsay Lohan who is even crazier than Lindsay Lohan. A Minnesota woman's request for a restraining order against LiLo was denied last week. She claims in court documents that she read on the internet that Lindsay Lohan was trying to kill her. This woman is insane. She should know that you can't believe anything you read on the internet! I sort of want to turn this into a Hollywood thriller where a woman thinks she's being stalked by a celebrity and everyone thinks she is totally bonkers but the big twist at the end is that LiLo has a twin sister who is a stripper who was killed and buried alive the celebrity actually is trying to kill her. I'd go see that movie. [TMZ]
  • Massive movie mogul Harvey Weinstein actually set foot in a gym. No, it wasn't to work out, silly. It was to watch a movie being made. [P6]
  • The saddest thing you will ever see is White House party crasher and former Real Housewife of D.C. Michaele Salahi in a Kids 'R' Us in Richmond Virginia pretending to shop for baby furniture. You know her dusty old womb isn't ripe with child. No, her mind is ripe with schemes on how to get even more attention, so she goes into public, invites a photographer and then sends pictures of her longingly fondling cribs to TMZ. I wish there were still stocks in the town square, because we should leave her there to jeer at forever. Sadly, she'd probably enjoy the attention. [TMZ]
  • Countess LuAnn "Crackerjacks" de Lesseps took her boyfriend David Bartakamous-Schwimmer on a European vacation. There are pictures. Oh joy! [Radar]
  • Tiger Wood's loaded ex, Elin Nordegren, is dating Jamie Dingman, the son of a billionaire. Guess what, guys? She didn't dump him even though she found out that he used to have a "business relationship" with Tiger Wood's other ex, Rachel Uchitel. That Elin is a fucking saint. St. Elin, the patron saint of sloppy seconds. [P6]
  • Peaches Geldof may be thinking about marriage to her boyfriend Thomas Cohen. This would be her second marriage. She is 22. I can't even with this one. [Celebitchy]

[Image via Getty]