An inebriated Ashlee begs Pete to take her back. Mariah Carey's kids have diamond-encrusted diaper pins. Minka and Jeter break up. Emma Watson moves in with a lover, and so does Pippa Middleton, and so does Alec Baldwin. Friday gossip splits the rent.

  • Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz! Former emo power couple. Have a kid. Broke up a while ago amid cheating rumors, drug abuse rumors, rebound relationship rumors, and hey, remember that time Pete took pics of his dick and sent them to a girl on MySpace? He was sort of ahead of the trend on that one. Anyway, even though Ashlee is reportedly dating some guy on Boardwalk Empire now, she "placed an inebriated call" to Pete and rambled about "how much she misses him and wants him back," but "he will never go back to her. He's in a good place." Time for a Simpson sisters love life charticle of some sort: "One's up, the other's down! Jess is marrying, but Ashlee is lonelier than ever! Why can't the Simpson sisters be happy at the same time?" Sidebar: "Is it their creepy dad's fault?" Pullquote: Joe Simpson rating his daughter's boobs. BTW, if any tabloid actually uses that idea, I will be charging a freelancer's fee of 1 (one) paparazzi upskirt photo and 2 (two) nip slips. [Celebitchy, Us, image via Getty]
  • Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have broken up. "The split was amicable." [JustJared]
  • Following elaborate public mating rituals, well-kept zoo animals Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were observed mounting on a patio at their honeymoon site in Italy. [Popsugar]
  • "Emma Watson Moves Boyfriend Into her Dad's Home," says the headline, because Emma and Perks of Being a Wallflower co-star Johnny Simmons are living in the attic of Emma's dad's house in London. Are we sure this constitutes "moving in," though? It sounds more like a vacation: "They've done loads of tourist spots but she has also been taking him to a few flea markets and some great local pubs. They've been taking bikes or eco-cars to every tourist trap in the capital, including the London Eye, Big Ben, and St. Paul's Cathedral." [Radar]
  • Speaking of Brits shacking up, Pippa Middleton is doing it, too, but Brits call it a "trial marriage," because all the words are cuter there. Pippa recently moved "her vast collection of wedge heels" into her investment banker boyfriend's pad. [Celebitchy, Now]
  • Also shacking up: 53-year-old Alec Baldwin and 27-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas. Alec moved out of his $9.5 million Upper West Side co-op to move into her Soho pad, so he's either "really in love" or actually serious about politics, and needs to position himself as more of an "every man." The latter rationale actually makes very little sense to me. Sure, it's a cheaper apartment, but cohabiting with an impossibly beautiful, highly flexible girlfriend young enough to be your daughter seems like a pretty classic "old rich guy" move to me. [P6]
  • "Mariah bought diamond earrings for her daughter, and she's hoping to have her ears pierced soon. Plus, both kids have diamond-encrusted diaper pins." No. No, that last detail can't be real. Can it be real? It's totally real. Yes. Yes, it is real. [Celebitchy]
  • Rose McGowan was born into and raised in the Children of God cult until she was nine. She's totally got that "former member of a crazy sex cult" vibe, doesn't she? Returning to the general population "was not an easy assimilation" because "my brothers and sisters, we thought everyone was boring." "There are people who will read this story and think I had a strange existence. I think they've had a strange existence!" Hmm, well, fair enough. [People]
  • Pitbull, the rapper Lindsay Lohan is suing for making fun of her in a banal line in one of his songs, thinks the lawsuit is "very ironic." Then he offered to take her to the VMA's, because apparently Pitbull thinks lawsuits are the equivalent of a little girl pushing you down on the playground because she secretly wants to kiss you. [E!]
  • First pics of confirmed-pregnant Disney star and mother of Trace Cyrus' children Brenda Song! Baggy t-shirt, Ugg boots, distended womb ("baby bump") not visible. [X17]
  • Prince William and Kate Middleton went on a "bargain date night" to a discount 8PM showing of The Inbetweeners. They are really the boringest famous couple ever, aren't they? [People]