Finally: A reason to care about the Panama Papers leak—attractive people you know from your teevee screen.

Imagine a world in which Emma Watson didn’t say “feminism” during her iconic U.N. speech. Damn. I can’t.

Over the weekend, actress Emma Watson delivered a speech at UN Headquarters in New York about a new gender equality initiative called HeForShe. The address was widely hailed—"game-changing," "stirring," "powerful"—and it drew the attention of men's rights trolls over at 4chan, one of whom is now threatening to leak nude photos of Watson.

That's me to you.

In case you didn't see the selfie liked 'round the world, Emma Watson graduated from Brown University, where she started in 2009, on Sunday. At the ceremony, she sat with a friend who was also seen leaving as part of her small entourage.

This bizarre GIF of Emma Watson revealing that she's actually Sofia Vergara in a rubber Emma suit has basically swallowed the internet whole this morning. But what the fuck did we just watch? Don't worry, there's an explanation. Kind of.

The actress apparently painted this with her own hand. This photo originally turned up on Tumblr and Reddit user immigat discovered proof of the self-portrait's existence in a 2011 Vogue article:

Sofia Coppola shows off the power of girlish frivolity as expertly as she always has in this super-short teaser for her upcoming movie: The Bling Ring. The teaser is about 40 seconds, but shows all sorts of materialistic thrills and Emma Watson attempting to groove seductively in a LA club.

Her hunger for first day of class getting-to-know-you exercises not yet satiated, Emma Watson plans to give college one more go and will return to Brown next year to finish her English degree, her rep confirmed Tuesday.

The first image has just been released of Russell Crowe as Noah in Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky's biblical follow-up to his 2010 film about lesbian ballerinas who do it, real nasty, lesbian style. And it confirms what many have long suspected: Russell Crowe sure does look like that.

Debuted during last night's MTV Movie Awards, the first trailer for Rent screenplay writer Stephen Chbosky's big-screen adaptation of his own coming-of-age-novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower features two-and-a-half minutes of Emma Watson not being Hermione Granger in her first post-Harry Potter lead feature film role.

Harry Potter alum Emma Watson, who plays a very bad girl in Sofia Coppola's upcoming film about notorious Hollywood burglars "The Bling Ring," has apparently let some of that femme fatality seep into her off-screen life.

J.Lo was getting dirty in public with her new 20-something boytoy. Oscar de la Hoya likes it in the butt. Bethenny Frankel's cocktail may not be as pure as she thinks. Robert Wagner thought Natalie Wood was messing around the night she died. Monday's gossip lost its virginity a long time ago.

Demi Moore wears her ring but walks alone. Soulja Boy ended up in jail last night. Nikki Reed's wedding dress has 100 diamond buttons. Emma Watson returns to college. Tuesday gossip speaks softly and carries precious gems.

Royal horror: Pippa Middle got into an upskirt photo situation at London Fashion Week. Now, the simplest way to avoid an upskirt photograph is to wear longer skirts or pants. (Or live in a world with civility. Hah! Right.) Unfortunately, starlets live in a world where the skirts are short, the cars are fancy and difficult to climb out of, and cameras are everywhere. Consequently, starlets' vaginas are in perpetual peril. How do they deal with this? Now presenting the Seven Highly Effective Habits of Starlets With Cameras Pointed Up Their Skirts.

An inebriated Ashlee begs Pete to take her back. Mariah Carey's kids have diamond-encrusted diaper pins. Minka and Jeter break up. Emma Watson moves in with a lover, and so does Pippa Middleton, and so does Alec Baldwin. Friday gossip splits the rent.

Emma Watson is spotted kissing her costar. Charlie Sheen is going to die in a "meat explosion." Larry David is more popular with the ladies than Alexander Skarsgard. Sunday gossip doesn't care about its $2 trillion error.

When etiquette guides of the future answer the question What do you do when you meet the gay porn star playing you?, they will probably include this photograph of Emma Watson, who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, alongside Cameron Adams, who plays, yes, "Himmione Gainghim" in Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls.

The Beckhams show off their latest project. Marc Anthony missed out on meeting the Royals thanks to the divorce. Nicole Scherzinger is engaged. Sunday gossip is looking to get its hands on some Ibogaine.

John Stamos and Renee Zellweger go on a date at a little-known romantic hotspot called Disneyland. Kim Kardashian sets her wedding date. Patrick Schwarzenegger gets a job at the mall. Blake Lively wants to wed Leo. Thursday gossip is a wish your heart makes.