Are Pumpkin Spice Lattes Destroying Our Nation's Manhood?
Jim Romenesko is retiring from his gig as America's most influential media blogger, but have no fear: he's still running Starbucks Gossip, the obsessive Starbucks-covering site which he also inexplicably runs! And he's taking on the question foremost in the mind of every normal, masculine, red-blooded, suburban, flavor-loving American man this Halloween season: does this Pumpkin Spice Latte make me a bitch?
Seriously, that is the question! Should ordering a Pumpkin Spice Latte result in the taking-away of one's "MANcard," as Jim Romenesko's friend asserts? Have we not, in the year 2011—when The American Man has come to terms with wearing Spanx and makeup and fancy kinds of underwear other than Hanes Boxer Briefs—become secure enough in our collective sense of masculinity that we can simply laugh off the idea that our purchase of an artificially flavored "seasonal" coffee beverage might be a glaring indicator of our overall lack of testosterone coursing through our collective testicles? Must we acquiesce to even participate in a discussion of whether or not a consumer choice can reliably predict how we might, for example, fare in a UFC fight, should one pop up randomly on the street corner outside of our local Starbucks outlet, where we just popped in for nip of the old "Pumpkin cure" for Jack Frost's wintry caress? Should we even deign to entertain the premise that we should feel inferior to a fellow man whose preferred caffeine delivery system comes sans a "spice" flavoring cooked up in a Seattle food science institute—even while taking into consideration the unavoidable fact that we've maintained our rippling washboard abs in spite of the drink's 380 delicious calories? Even when, according to one commenter, "About a third of our customers are male that order PSL, usually a vente"? Are we to condemn these bold men, perversely, for their own willingness to buck convention—for their bravery? Does a brave man not deserve a MANcard, and freedom from the nattering insecurities of those who would take it from him?
Yes, it makes you a bitch. "Pumpkin spice?" Big time.
