Ad Week compiled a list of America's most-shoplifted retail goods, and it reads like a bad date with a guy who says "bro" a lot: Axe body spray, filet mignon, Jameson, Gillette Mach 4 razors, and Polo Ralph Lauren shirts.

Apparently CVS and Walgreens recently suffered a string of burglaries "where the only thing stolen was body wash." Meanwhile, "luxury meat" loss rates have risen 21 percent in two years, perhaps due to the ravenous appetites of luxury meathead shoplifters. [Ad Week, Runnin Scared]