The usually tedious one-man morality crusade Bill "Catholic League" Donohue sends along a genuinely valuable tip: On May 15, this Thursday, Sotheby's will be auctioning off a copy of Andres Serrano's Piss Christ, the maximum icon of the old Culture Wars of 25 years ago. Ask your middle-aged uncles and aunts about it.

Yes, we know that we advised you all to avoid buying private jets during the recession, lest you suffer some bad PR. And hundreds of millions of you listened to us, judging from the number of non-jet owners out there! But things have changed: now is the time to buy a private jet, everyone. Do not miss this buying opportunity!

The Justice Department has conceded that a year of your life is worth just shy of $47,000. While that may not sound like a lot to those of you who live in New York, or even just like your lives, it's a hell of a lot higher than the $5,000 per year they were originally trying to play ball with.

The economy is crappier than a Porta-Potty at an outdoor electronic dance music festival. We've all got to pinch pennies, and the holidays are no exception. So, we present our top five gifts under five cents.

Ecko, a clothing brand that was cool roughly a decade ago, has announced the greatest deal in fashion: get a tattoo ("must be permanent, not temporary") of the Ecko logo, and get 20% off your Ecko purchases for life.

Lord knows the Washington Post Co. has enough trouble just balancing out the economic black hole that is the Washington Post. They can't deal with Newsweek's losses, too. So it's for sale. And how's this for an enthusiastic sales pitch?

It only cost the city of Mount Vernon, Washington $17,748.85 in police overtime and whatnot to host their "Glenn Beck Day." Cheaper than buying a slave! [UPI]

BusinessWeek is for sale! How much do we hear for this, the granddaddy of all business magazines? Do we hear...$1? Anyone?

Until the end of October, Delta is offering discounted helicopter rides between JFK and Manhattan: It's just $45 each way, assuming you're getting off (or getting on) a Delta flight. That's, like, the same price as a taxi! And it only takes eight minutes. [Reuters via NewYorkology]

Here's some good news: New York is only the world's 22nd most expensive city, according to the consulting firm Mercer. As outrageous as it may seem to live in a city where a 500-square-foot apartment will run you a million bucks to buy (or $3,000 a month to rent), at least you don't live in Moscow! Or Tokyo. The list of the 21 even more painful places to live below.

Got six to eleven grand? 'Cause aging 80s teen heartthrob Corey Haim is selling his "Autographed 'Two Coreys' Snowboard" and an original "SILVER BULLET Jacket—Worn by COREY HAIM" on eBay! (At least it's not his teeth and hair this time.) His official website confirms the listing. (Maybe he's doing this so he can actually buy "Coreyhaim.com" some day!) Sad? Or is everybody just completely shameless now?