America, "The World's Fanciest Nation," loves beer, it's true. But now it seems that you all want "good" beer. What ever happened to good old-fashioned bad American beer?

I never thought that I would be forced to say this by the "facts on the ground" of breaking news events, but here it is: Americans are sick of Budweiser's piss-flavored swill. What is next, Americans getting sick of Cheetos brand styrofoam packaging? It boggles the mind. And yet the Wall Street Journal reports that Budweiser, "The Walmart of Beers," has sunk to truly despicable depths, thanks to truly despicable competitors:

Young drinkers aren't the reason Budweiser volumes have declined in the U.S. for 25 years, from its nearly 50-million-barrel peak in 1988 to 16 million barrels last year. Light beers like its sister, Bud Light, have chipped away at Bud's share of the market for decades. Bud Light overtook it as the No. 1 selling beer in 2001, and Coors Light displaced it as No. 2 in 2011. Craft beers and flavored malts like AB InBev's Lime-a-Rita have contributed to a 9% decline in shipments since then.

Though the story attributes Budweiser's decline to the rise of "craft beers," it sure sounds to me like it's more like the rise of Lime-a-Ritas. We see you there, America. Drinking your Lime-a-Rita. Don't think the Budweiser corporation does not see you. The Clydesdales are crying.

"Please put down your Lime-a-Rita and drink our urine beer!" -sad horses (that you made sad—real nice).

[Photo: Flickr]