As a connoisseur of fine yogurt, you can approach life in one of two ways: get bogged down in the muck of inferior yogurt trench warfare, or you can put on your headphones and settle in with some quality yogurt—because brother, life is too short for bad curdles.

If your only source of yogurt news were the mainstream mass media, you might think that the relevant yogurt news of the week is a feud between Chobani and Dannon—Chobani has a new ad campaign alleging Dannon is not good for you, which Dannon said was false, and then Chobani objected to their objection and filed a lawsuit saying it was true, and then....

POPPYCOCK.

If you want to spend your minutes, hours, and days picking apart the minutiae of B-list yogurt legal battles, you may be my guest. I already know everything I need to know about both Chobani and Dannon: both of them are bad yogurt. So while they are waving around claims and counterclaims like a pair of children arguing over a single lollipop, I will be sitting in a room of comfortable size and temperature enjoying spoonful after spoonful of delicious GOOD yogurt.

You know the kind I mean.

You know the other kind I mean. Mmm. Yeah.

Little surprise Chobani, which has a history of such childish stunts, would want to publicly attempt to degrade its competitors on the grocery’s Bad Yogurt aisle, in a transparent attempt to distract consumers from the fact that Chobani tastes like milk that a cow slept it, which was then left out to rot, and then someone put some jelly in it. This is a free country, and you, the consumer, are free to choose which yogurt news outlets you follow, and which yogurt products you purchase and consume. Are you more of a sour and painful type? Or a creamy delicious type?

Don’t believe “the hype”—on the topic of yogurt (or other foods, all of which appeal to different groups of connoisseurs, which is fair).

[Photo: Flickr]

PS—Why isn’t there any plain Noosa for sale in New York City any more? Tell me now.