The so-called “cool” pope has done an extremely uncool thing this week and timed his first-ever visit to New York with the launch of Apple’s newest phone, which is now delayed.

The monstrous traffic congestion caused by the arrival of Pope Francis is expected to be so bad that UPS and Apple are already warning customers against the worst: missing the promised Friday arrival date of our new aluminum and glass idols. I received this email yesterday, and renounced my faith in the Catholic Church:

An email tipster tells us he contacted UPS directly and was told the new phones might not even arrive until Monday. This move to disrupt the free flow of American commerce is consistent with the Pope’s anti-consumerism stance, but will do nothing to curb the number of young Americans disaffected by Catholicism and unable to find meaning in this shitty world.

You said it, brother.

Photo: Getty

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: E93A 40D1 FA38 4B2B 1477 C855 3DEA F030 F340 E2C7