Roxane Gay, accomplished Twitter user and author, has not received her iPhone yet. Rather than settle this in private, she chose to publicly chastise Apple before her 89,000 followers about her missing phone. She also threatened to use the New York Times to settle the score. But it was just a joke!
The so-called “cool” pope has done an extremely uncool thing this week and timed his first-ever visit to New York with the launch of Apple’s newest phone, which is now delayed.
In a post from a few days ago that could just have easily been written at any point over the past seven years, Mashable proclaimed that Apple might be working on a thinner iPhone. No shit. New things are better than old things. Upgrades are made with better parts and built to be more efficient. This will happen every. single. year.
Every year since 2007, Apple has held an event to unveil its new iPhone. And every year since 2007, professional technology reporters have fallen over themselves to tell you how Apple’s latest gadget is just like the one you already have, but a little bit better. This version is “not a game-changer,” they’ll write, but it has a slightly different shape or a camera or whatever.
Last night, around 4 a.m., a freight train carrying screaming sirens and old dial-up modem sounds crashed through my room. It was a government-issued FLASH FLOOD WARNING, sent express delivery from the darkest depths of Hell directly to my cellphone. Was it even raining when I received the urgent message? Who knows. Will I be cranky and tired all day? Emergency Alert: Yes.
We've all heard the warnings: if you take your phones, iPads, phablets, Lite-Brites, and laptops into the dormoir, you will not have restless sleep. Most doctors suggest turning that shit off and throwing it out a window before laying our heads down to rest, but do we listen? Fuck no, we've got tweets to write, doc!
Doree Lewak, a features writer for the New York Post, published an op-ed Monday night that touted the joys and thrills of getting catcalled by New York City's finest construction workers (who appear, based on the accompanying photographs, to not ever be doing their jobs—too busy catcalling!). The article has the perfect title "Hey, ladies—catcalls are flattering! Deal with it!"
At least two people were arrested outside a Pasadena Apple store this morning after getting into a fight while waiting to buy the new iPhone.
Have you ever baked your phone into a dessert? Lost it up a cow's butthole? Dropped it off the side of a cruise ship while recreating the "I'm King of the World!" scene from Titanic with a guy you met in the buffet line?
Lest there be any doubt that females with public Facebook profiles are in constant peril, here is a thorough discussion of Girls Around Me, an iPhone app that allows users to push a button and see the Facebook profiles of every female in walking distance, according to FourSquare and plotted on a Google Map.
On Sunday, a 24-year-old Florida woman filed a police report that accused domestic abuser Chris Brown of "snatching" her iPhone from her outside of Miami's Cameo nightclub.
Steve Jobs "didn't like what [he] learned" about Abdulfattah John Jandali, his Syrian-American biological dad, and therefore never reestablished a relationship with Jandali before his death in October. But that absence of connection hasn't stopped Jandali from defending his son's products—and, in a sense, his legacy—from the oppressive Syrian government, which has banned iPhones to keep people from filming killings and other atrocities being committed by local authorities.
Finally, an iPhone competitor has figured out a way to, if not quite level the playing field, at least get a few cheap shots in at Apple's expense: This Samsung smartphone ad is extremely petty about the kind of person who waits in line to buy an iPhone. Easy target, surefire results. Will it help to sell Samsung Galaxy S IIs? Who cares! Simply by performing this very necessary public service, I deem this campaign an unqualified success. I'm totally going to text it to everyone I know on my iPhone! (Sorry, Samsung. Do I look like the kind of person who clips cellphones to my belt and uses a Dell Inspiron? Yeah, no. Our love affair ends here.)
You know who will never work at the Genius Bar? Or see his name anywhere near the word "genius" in his lifetime? Michael Alan Skopec. The 48-year-old from Bristol, Illinois, was arrested at 1 a.m. on Wednesday morning, for, according to the sheriff's office report, calling "911 on five occasions to report that his iPhone was not working."
In the beginning, humans had to physically rouse themselves from their couches to change the channel on the TV. Then, there were remotes. Now, our laziness has evolved to the point where we just stare at our phones.
Here are two things you could do with your iPhone last week that you might not be able to next week: learn about how to fake-"cure" yourself from being gay, and avoid DUI checkpoints. It's outrage time in the App store!
