What's not to like about diet soda? Same brown, sludge-like color of regular soda, plus a sickly sweet aftertaste of sugar mixed with burnt plastic—all without any calories. Alas, it seems that Americans are tiring of diet soda. Is everything different now, beverage-wise?

Sure, why not? Overall soda consumption has been trending downward for years now. But when it was people drinking less regular soda, we could all have a good attitude about it. Why, perhaps those former soda drinkers would drink all natural "juice," or whatever, instead! Now, however, it is clear that sales of diet soda—the closest thing to water that crosses the lips of the average American—are also plummeting. I guess this... kinda constitutes a health crisis, when you consider the alternatives? From the Wall Street Journal:

Store sales of zero- and low-calorie soda plunged 6.8% in dollar terms in the 52 weeks through Nov. 23, while sales of regular sodas dropped 2.2%, according to Wells Fargo, citing Nielsen scanner data. As a category, diet soda has contracted more than regular soda for three straight years.

"Great," you may be thinking in your typical misguided way. "Americans are drinking less of those horrible unnatural artificial sweeteners. Sounds good to me." Sure that's great but now we ask you this:

WHAT THE HELL ARE AMERICANS DRINKING INSTEAD OF DIET SODA? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? WE SHUDDER TO THINK.

Hershey's Syrup: America's new beverage of choice.

[Photo: Flickr]