We know it's way too early to start talking about anything as unpleasant as the world of agents, so feel free to send us that dry cleaning bill if you can't keep down your blueberry muffin. But we hear that Michael Gruber, the agent (and now producer-by-default) famously fired by George Clooney and CAA for trying to extract a $250,000 finder's fee from Clooney's purchase of a villa in Lake Como, is headed back into the agenting game at ICM. Hopefully this time Gruber will learn that he can't take a cut of everything and will refrain from licking his chops when one of his clients gets pregnant, silently calculating if the baby's liver or kidneys constitute his ten percent.

The L.A. Weekly's Nikki Finke runs Michael Ovitz's Hollywood Trial of the Century testimony through her own factchecking meatgrinder, illustrating that the former Ur-agent has some utterly unsurprising (but hilarious in scope) deficiencies in the truth-telling department:

We hear that there's some movement along Wilshire Boulevard's internationally renowned Corridor of Ten Percent Dreams, as William Morris bigshot Hylda Queally (rep to Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett, and Liv Tyler according to our pal Whore Presents) is fleeing to the momentarily warmer embrace of CAA. That's all the little bird told us; if the birdie is wrong, please keep in mind that all of those agency initials can get awfully confusing to a simple avian brain.

We've heard a rumor that CAA, the House That Ovitz Built But Then Ditched To Feed His Ego And Get Even More Ludicrously Wealthy, might be in talks to buy up the less elegantly initialled BWCS (Broder Webb Chervin Silbermann, there you made us type it out). Consolidation usually means layoffs, which in turn means out-of-work agents panhandling on the sidewalks of Beverly Hills. If a deal does eventually go down and you find your office building flanked by unemployed ten-percenters, do what we do—refuse eye contact and barely hide your contempt for the jobless.

Today's Page Six lauds the green tendencies of a couple of the most visible agents in the business, noting that Endeavor's (and Defamer favorite, pictured at left) Ari Emanuel* has been driving a hybrid Prius for like, years, inspiring others at the firm to buy them. And now William Morris' Jim Wiatt has upped the ecological ante by scoring the "only two" Ford Escape SUV hybrids in Hollywood for himself and his wife. We doubt it'll be long before this eco-friendly dick-measuring contest escalates, and we see CAA's Kevin Huvane being pulled down Wilshire Boulevard in a little red wagon by a team of low-emission junior agents.

We usually reserve the heading "The Agent Dance" to log the moves of agents to and fro, hither and yon, as they take their ten-percent-skimming skills to the highest bidder. But fighting oftentimes looks something like a dance, and we wanted to wonder belatedly why chatter about a supposed scrap between Endeavor's John (P.T. Anderson/Martin Scorcese/David O. Russell) Lesher* and Greg Siegel during the recent Toronto Film Festival hasn't been louder? Especially when a source describes the fight as "girly" and "somewhat homoerotic"? Look, official Agent Dance mascot Ari Emanuel is smiling, pleased that his compatriots are hungry enough to roll up their sleeves and rumble (albeit in less-than-butch fashion) once in a while.

Normally, our Agent Dance feature chronicles the moves of everyone's favorite ten-percenters and the companies that sign their paychecks. But today's Variety reports a different kind of agent movement, as former literary agent Marcie Wright, chucked in the pokey for embezzling a quarter of a million bucks from such clients as writers Marc "Desperate Housewives" Cherry and Robert "Mickey Blue Eyes" Kuhn, has been released after serving just 160 days of her one-year sentence to help alleviate the overcrowding of jails. What's more dangerous than an agent who's taken those last baby steps across the ethical line and completely given themselves over to the Dark Side? We can only hope that Wright has completed the necessary rehabilitation program during her abbreviated time served, receiving high-voltage corrections each time she was tempted to tell a fellow inmate that she had six other buyers ready to pounce with higher offers for her carton of Virginia Slims.

In the interest of clearing up some of the rumors regarding the supposed acquisition of APA by just about every second-tier agency in town, we grant equal time to a high-level representative of the firm, who wrote in to clear things up for Defamer's readers (for real).

Earlier, we heard a rumor that Paradigm was looking to vacuum up APA in its recent agency acquisition binge. Remember that, way back in the morning? Good times. Now we hear that Endeavor might want in on the action. That's all we know, but maybe we should ask the Official Agent Dance Mascot (that little picture of Endeavor's very own Ari Emanuel) about the rumor, despite the obvious conflict of interest.

Rumors are circulating that the Paradigm agency, fresh off devouring Writers & Artists two weeks ago, is looking to snort up APA and continue to accumulate bodies for their new MCA building home in Beverly Hills. Can the B- and C-list client absorbing Paradigm be stopped before it resorts to scooping up every open-mic night comic and William Morris mailroom reject in town? Only time will tell. Developing...

This morning, both THR and Variety report that Paradigm is indeed in talks to gobble up the Writers & Artists agency. Paradigm needs the rep infusion to fill their new offices in the MCA building in Beverly Hills; there's something chilling about an agent blood-curdling scream echoing through a half-full workspace, and the fresh W&A bodies will undoubtedly help to deaden the sound.

Today's rumor from the Land of the Agencies: Paradigm is getting ready to buy the struggling Writers & Artists to form...well, a somewhat larger second-tier agency. In the words of one spy, the sale is "not exactly Ford buying Jaguar, but for the bozos at Paradigm, this should get them better placement for their ads in Variety."

We hear that there was a "minor bloodletting" at talent agency UTA late yesterday. Among the desk-in-a-cardboard-box set were agents Alex Kerr, Josh Pollack, Erik Hyman, Gregg Clark and April Lim. No, we don't know who they are either, but according to the folks at Whore Presents, they represent such Hollywood bright lights as Billy Kay,Vicki Iovine, and Ethan Browne. (Whore Presents does say Hyman repped deceased superstar photographer Herb Ritts, who isn't exactly keeping him busy these days). We wish all of the downsized luck in their respective job searches. But if you see anyone panhandling on Wilshire Boulevard in a nice suit and hair full of product, don't look them in the eye. They'll ask for ten percent of your sandwich.

We hear that manager/producer Geyer Kosinksi is bolting Industry Entertainment to set up his own company (perhaps with producer Lucas Foster), and taking a battalion of Industry's junior managers with him. Kosinski's clients include high-earnin', formerly hitched Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie. Will they follow "Geyer the Liar" out the door, or hang around the wreckage of the Industry office, consoling the Left Behind? Developing...

Female agents of CAA rival firms, watch out: If you insist on using your genitals in a literal screwing situation rather than in the classic, metaphorical agenting sense and find yourself pregnant, the Creative Artists may be sniffing around your clients. We hear that while you attend to your various prenatal concerns, the House That Ovitz Built is back to its leave-no-talent-unstolen ways, whispering in your meal-tickets' ears that when Junior arrives, New Mommy Agent won't have time to service their needs. (Especially if you're toiling at William Morris.) CAA, meanwhile, will gladly forgo any personal relationships that might interfere with the single-minded pursuit of their percentages and use their junk only for the kind of fucking Hollywood expects.

Whenever an agent ankles their employer for a new address on Wilshire Boulevard, that's the Agent Dance! A reader sends in this latest, double-barreled, security-guards-and-cardboard-boxes edition: "Susan Solomon escorted out of Paradigm as she heads to Endeavor; Greg McKnight escorted out of William Morris as he moves to CAA."