This could either be the most annoying thing on television or it could be the most annoying and hilarious thing on television: Al Sharpton is your Colmes-for-a-Day!

Grandly coiffed activist Al Sharpton spoke today at the offices of 5WPR, the agency led by that other noted civil rights activist, Ronn [sic] Torossian. Ronn's keeping busy, but we hear his firm has issues...

♦ Alexander Wang was the big winner at Monday night's fifth-annual CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund awards at Skylight Studios. Wang and fellow nominees like Richard Chai, Jason Wu, Lisa Mayock and Sophie Buhai, Irene Neuwirth, Alejandro Ingelmo, Juan Carlos Obando, Albertus Swanepoel, Swaim and Christina Hutson, and John Patrick were feted by John Galliano (left, with Charlize Theron), Anna Wintour, Diane von Furstenberg, Sally Singer, Andrew Rosen, Reed Krakoff, Jeffrey Kalinsky, Julie Gilhart, Julie Macklowe, Daphne Guinness, Sasha Heinz, Tory Burch and Lyor Cohen, Andre Leon Talley, Narciso Rodriguez, Maria Sharapova, Penn Badgley, Zac Posen, Vera Wang, Chanel Iman, Juliette Lewis, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo, Lauren Santo Domingo, Peter Som, Piper Perabo, Phillip Lim, Lazaro Hernandez, Maggie Betts, Calvin Klein, Damon Dash and Rachel Roy, and James Franco. [PMc, NYO, Style.com, The Daily]

Last week we offered to send you a Halloween mask free of charge. We ran through the supply pretty quickly and a number of you were left out in the cold. (Sorry about that!) For those of you who missed your chance—and provided you have access to a color printer—we've posted the masks online. So you can print them out yourselves in the event you still don't have a Halloween costume lined up. After the jump, our very special collection of seven masks, in case you feel like dressing up as Anderson Cooper, Mario Batali, Nina Garcia, Anne Hathaway, Keith Olbermann, Vikram Pandit, or Al Sharpton.

♦ Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett became parents for the first time on Saturday when Amy gave birth to a son, Archie. [Us]
♦ Madonna is in "meltdown mode," and asked her assistant to gather all the items she received from Guy Ritchie so she can "bury them." Guy, meanwhile, has reportedly said the couple's marriage began to disintegrate when she started planning their sex life around her workout schedule. [MSNBC, Daily Mail]
♦ Jennifer Hudson is offering a $100,000 reward for the return of her nephew, who went missing on Friday when her mother and brother were fatally shot. [People, Access Hollywood]
♦ Lindsay Lohan doesn't want people thinking she's a lesbian just because she's dating a girl. [NYDN]

Lyor Cohen and Al Sharpton are both celebrating today: The Warner Music chief (and boyfriend of Tory Burch) turns 49; the rabble-rousing clergyman is 54. Others marking the special occasion: socialite Alexis Bryan is 32. Clive Owen is 44. Jake Shears is 30. Gwen Stefani is 39. Ashlee Simpson is 24. Composer Steve Reich is 72. Tommy Lee is 46. Neve Campbell is 35. Actor Sean William Scott is 32. And the notoriously precise Times TV critic Alessandra Stanley is 53. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• Michael Lohan is is convinced his daughter is drinking again, and that Lindsay's relationship with Samantha Ronson is to blame. In other Lohan family news, Samantha may be writing a book about her relationship with Lindsay—whose 48-year-old father recently popped the question to his 24-year-old girlfriend, Erin Muller. [MSNBC, E!, OK]

Liv Tyler pushing her son in a stroller outside their West Village townhouse ... Chuck Schumer and Al Sharpton walking through Midtown ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos filming a cooking segment with their son for Live with Regis & Kelly ... Lauren Hutton wearing shorts and sneakers on a walk downtown ... Rumer Willis posing in a party dress outside the David Letterman show ... Madonna's kids, Lourdes, Rocco, and David, playing in Central Park with the nanny ... and Brody Jenner leaving a dinner at Cipriani Downtown.

• Mary-Kate Olsen is the last person federal investigators want to question before they close the Heath Ledger case. But the 4-foot-11, 90-pounder is refusing to talk unless she's granted immunity from prosecution. [NYP]

• Diddy and Cassie are secretly engaged? That's what the highly credible Star says. The rap mogul apparently told friends during son Justin's graduation from Horace Mann last month. [Star]

You know when you get really hungry and you're just dying for a delicious, rich, chocolatey piece of... Allen Grubman? Yes, indeed, you can pick up a slice of "Allen Grubman Double Chocolate Pudding Pie" at the tourist trap the Brooklyn Diner on West 57th Street. (It happens to be a block from Grubman's office.) Here are a few other dishes named after local boldface names.

Have you noticed that Al Sharpton's been looking a little slimmer in recent weeks? Why, yes, he has. Al says he's dropped 20 pounds in the past six months thanks to a new exercise regime—four days a week on the treadmill and elliptical—and an "almost starvation-style" diet. "He eats only two meals daily, both before 6 p.m. His breakfast is two hard-boiled eggs and tomato, and his other meal is fish accompanied by a green salad. One day a week, just to mix it up, he throws some chicken on that salad." We'll bet donuts to dollars that if he can keep it up, an Al Sharpton weight loss book will be on bookstore shelves by 2010.

Anderson Cooper was talking last night about fundamentalist Christian attacks on Barack Obama with minister Al Sharpton, author Roland Martin and Family Research Council President Tony Perkins. The talk turned toward religious tolerance, and suddenly Sharpton was outing CNN's prettiest anchor as, gosh, some kind of sinner? "I might think what you do, Anderson, is going to put you in hell, but I'm going to defend your right to get there," Sharpton said. Then everyone laughed, either because Sharpton made some kind of innocuous joke outing Cooper as a typical shouting-head TV news sinner, or because virulent, institutionalized homophobia is hilarious. Anderson blushed and managed to say something dignified, while maybe secretly wishing he was officially gay so he could let loose a verbal spanking that would make Keith Olbermann's "Special Comments" sound like bedtime stories The End. Clip after the jump. UPDATE: Changed a sentence to make it clear Sharpton might not have been alluding to Cooper's sexuality.

Bruce Ratner is orchestrating a big demonstration today in support of his increasingly doomed-looking Atlantic Yards project! So which celebs did he enlist to headline the rally and win over skeptics? Former Nets Darryl Dawkins and Alan King, neither of whom has played basketball professionally since the 1980s. A-list! He also managed to persuade shrinking violets Al Sharpton and Curtis Sliwa to overcome their aversion to attention and speak at the rally.

Has the Reverend Al Sharpton been on a bicycle at any point in the last 20 years? Or ever in his life? Whether he has or hasn't, he's joining tonight's Critical Mass protest, the monthly traffic-blocking mass bike ride that (full disclosure!) we've ridden in ourselves, though not in New York, because in New York they round everyone up and throw them in jail. Oh, here's the thing: it's a protest of the NYPD's policy of not giving a shit about anyone's civil rights, and Sharpton is attending it with Nicole Paultre-Bell, the fiancee of Sean Bell, the man the NYPD shot 50 times for no goddamn reason. "Although the degree of abuse is clearly different," Critical Mass organizers write (NO SHIT), "the message of the groups is clear;" we all hate cops! Full press release below. (It reveals that Sharpton will be riding in a pedicab.)

• Actress Jessica Alba married Cash Warren, father to the daughter she is set to give birth to this summer. The couple met on the set of Fantastic Four, where he was a director's assistant. [Rush & Molloy]

So the blog by Spitzer's call girl is obvs fake, because all she writes about is blogs. I wish it were harder to tell, or at least had clever jokes, because then she could join this list of the ten best ever parody blogs.

For some odd reason the only media outlet to report that President Bush introduced Al Sharpton's wife as his daughter was the Baltimore New York Sun. So they do something right every now and then. (Update: Punchline hilariously still stands.) [FishbowlNY]

Sharpton is a controversial minister, civil rights activist, radio host, TV talking head, political fundraiser, perpetual candidate for office, and style icon.

New York is becoming worse than Louisiana," was Reverend Sharpton's comment in Staten Island yesterday, where a black man was beaten by two white men who muttered racial epithets before the assault. "We're going to Staten Island, Jena, Washington—and we're going to bring out numbers like you've never seen before." Yoohoo, Reverend Alfred Charles? Not a camera in sight down there now; maybe you could take those "numbers" down to the Lower Ninth Ward, maybe tidy up a little while no one's looking? [Newsday]