30 Rock's Jack Donaghy embodies every appalling aspect of American corporatism: racism, classism, and — most overtly — sexism. Yet we love him anyway, no doubt thanks to Alec Baldwin (whose charismatic performance makes Jack most misogynistic moments memorable).

• The most genetically blessed child in the world has arrived. Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and husband Tom Brady are the parents of a bouncing baby boy, although they haven't divulged his name yet. [People]
• He's been selling off his homes left and right to pay off the millions he owes in back taxes. Now Nic Cage is being sued by the mother of his 18-year-old son, Christina Fulton, who claims Cage subjected her to "mental, physical and emotional abuse," promised to pay off $250,000 in credit card debt, and reneged on a promise to give her the house she lives in. She's seeking $13 million, which is probably about $13 million more than Cage can afford. [TMZ, P6]
• Giuseppe Cipriani is back! The scandal-plagued restaurateur has been out of the country for the past year as he faces possible criminal charges. But he's working out a deal with the feds, which explains why he's back in NYC and was seen at both Harry Cipriani and Downtown Cipriani yesterday. [P6, NYDN]
• What's the latest with Tiger Woods? Glad you asked! His mother-in-law, who was rushed to the hospital after experiencing stomach pains, was released yesterday and is doing fine; a new report suggests Woods paid a porn star named Veronica Siwik-Daniels for sex "for years" when he was in Las Vegas; another outlet reports he gave one of his other mistresses, Jamie Jungers, thousands of dollars over the years and she used some of the cash to pay for liposuction; the Star reports that Elin Nordegren called Rachel Uchitel 90 minutes before Tiger's car crash, yelled "I know everything," hurled the phone at Tiger's face, and then "chased him around the house" smashing up the place; and Rachel Uchitel is finally speaking out and tells OK! that she's really upset that she's been portrayed as a "villain" up until now. [NYP, NYDN, Star, OK!]

There will be a time when everyone gets their entertainment through cortex-implanted microchips. But for now, people are still watching a lot of "traditional" (i.e. not Hulu) television. According to a Nielsen study, 99% of video viewing is via TV.

• It's been a busy 24 hours for Tiger Woods. Just after admitting he'd "let his family down" yesterday, a voicemail he apparently left for alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs surfaced and put a nail in his adulterous coffin. Now Rachel Uchitel, one of the other women he supposedly was involved with, is coming clean about her affair and will be giving a press conference later today. [TMZ, NYP]
• Meanwhile, Tiger and wife Elin are supposedly in "intense" marriage counseling. They're also in intense discussions with their lawyers, apparently. Rumor has it they're renegotiating their pre-nup and Elin may collect a "hefty seven-figure amount" if she agrees to stay with him. [CST, Us]
• Tinsley Mortimer's family sounds more white trash than high society. Her mom, Dale Mercer, got into a shoving match recently with the woman who's been dating her ex-husband. George Mercer—Tinsley's dad—says the 29-year-old woman, Krissy Morrow, is merely his "escort" and he's never even kissed her. But Krissy says she married Mercer last month. George says the marriage didn't count since he was "drunk as [expletive]" at the time and because he's married to someone else anyway. Let's hope all this nonsense—like the report Tinsley was seen making out with Constantine Maroulis on Tuesday night—is just another PR stunt for her reality show. [P6]

This doesn't bode well for the forthcoming Baldwin-Streep-Martin rom-com. Baldwin the Elder says his film career has been "a complete failure" and he's quitting in 2012.

Are you ready to be entertained by a behemoth? General Electric is on the brink of selling NBC Universal to Comcast—a deal that will create one of the nation's largest entertainment companies and make everyone the same everywhere.

Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment to walk the dog ... Michael Douglas walking with kids Carys and Dylan ... Alec Baldwin chatting with Mary Louise Parker in Central Park ... Mickey Rourke buying a puppy with his girlfriend at a pet shop in the West Village ... The City's Freddie Fackelmeyer shopping at Kmart on Sunday with his girlfriend ... Donald Trump arriving on the set of Wall Street 2 ... Jude Law leaving his apartment in the Village ... Cate Blanchett walking with her kids ... Will Ferrell leaving Chelsea Market with his family ... Josh Duhamel taking a break from filming his new movie to play football ... and Russell Crowe leaving Club Macanudo on East 63rd Street.

• Tiger Woods hasn't spoken to the cops or the media since he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home on Friday morning, although he did release a statement on his website yesterday. Did the crash take place as Tiger was running away from his enraged wife? Did Tiger really have an affair with club promoter (and 9/11 widow) Rachel Uchitel? That's all up in the air at the moment, although Uchitel has already hired spotlight-loving lawyer Gloria Allred to represent her, so you can expect this story to play on for weeks to come. [NYP, TMZ, TMZ]
• The fame-seeking classy couple who crashed the state dinner last week, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, are looking for a six-figure fee to tell their story, according to TV producers. A spokesman for the couple says that's totally false. Decide for yourself who you'd like to believe. [NYT, NYP, NYDN]
• Did Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal break up? A "close friend" of the actress says yes, but the couple is denying it. [People]
• Tinsley Mortimer may have a German prince for a boyfriend and she may be traipsing around town with Constantine Maroulis, but she's still got her ex-husband, Topper, wrapped around her finger. They reportedly talk three times a day and he's offered to appear on her reality show to help boost buzz. They may even get back together "for ratings," according to a source. [P6]

Derek Jeter: planning on sexing Minka Kelly in all 62 rooms of St. Jetersburg. Sandra Bullock's new look: chola. Anna Wintour: apartment shopping for spawn. Diddy and Jay-Z: alone with caviar? Alec Baldwin: apocalyptic. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Christy Turlington walking with son Finn and their two dogs in the Village ... Woody Allen and Soon-Yi strolling down Madison ... Jodie Foster walking to the gym in the West Village ... Alec Baldwin having brunch yesterday at Five Points with a mystery blonde ... Susan Boyle arriving at JFK ... Miranda Kerr going to lunch at Friend of a Farmer on Irving Place ... Gayle King leaving Jean Georges after having lunch ... Katie Holmes taking Suri to see The Lion King on Saturday ... Harvey Weinstein eating at Sarabeth's on Madison Avenue ... George Lucas walking down Madison Avenue with his girlfriend ... Hugh Jackman walking in the West Village with his wife and kids ... Jimmy Smits having dinner at Cafe con Leche on the UWS ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts riding bikes downtown ... Tyra Banks leaving MTV studios in Times Square ... Katharine McPhee crossing the street while talking on her phone ... and Jude Law walking in the East Village.

Four babies later, Klum continues to be unreasonably sexy; Lindsay Lohan had a "meltdown" after getting caught stealing champagne; Flavor Flav produces a Super Bowl ad. Come be blinded by the light of a thousand Monday gossips.

• The Lohan family drama goes on. Another recorded phone call has been released and this one features Dina Lohan telling Lindsay's father Michael that their daughter once punched her and kicked her out of the car. Naturally, LiLo quickly responded on Twitter and called her father a whole bunch of names. And now Papa Lohan has countered by promising to release even more tapes in the days to come. So, no, this saga is not even close to over. [P6, People]
• Alec Baldwin says he has "a great ass." Please make a note of it. [Us]
• Paul Johnson-Calderon, the bow tie-wearing social gay set to appear on Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show, is in trouble again. He was caught on tape snatching purses on the LES earlier this year; now he's been caught on camera vandalizing a friend's Union Square apartment building. Calderon's defense? "It's not like rock stars don't vandalize hotel rooms and such all the time." Yes, but you're not a rock star, buddy. [P6]

FACTUAL CORRECTION: Alec Baldwin denies purchasing his daughter Ireland this terrifying cake in the shape of rap personality and famed drug consumer Lil Wayne. It must have been Kim Basinger who special-ordered the toothy, licorice-haired monstrosity. [Vulture]

• Nicole Kidman isn't as vanilla as she looks, apparently. She tells British GQ that she has experimented with "obsession" and "strange sexual fetish stuff," although it's unclear when all this happened. As for her marriage to Keith Urban? It's "a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous." [DM, P6]
• The first of Lindsay Lohan's dramatic calls to her dad Michael has been released, and luckily, it comes accompanied by on-screen subtitles although you may need to shower after. At one point, she tells her dad, "Mommy says that I'm worse than you are," and then, between sobs, manages to ramble on, "No one cares about me. They don't, by the way. It's about how they feel, not how I feel. It's not about me. It's never been about me." Sad. [Radar]
• In happier news, Jeremy Piven is feeling much better now that he's added soy milk to his list of food products he will no longer touch. (You may remember his little run-in with sushi last year.) Piven was chugging 12 cups of soy milk a day, but then he realized it contained estrogen and was responsible for giving him man-boobs. "It was a very confusing time," he says. [Us]

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin have been picked to jointly host the Academy Awards telecast.

• The Wall Street Journal has the Times in its sights. The paper is hiring a dozen reporters to cover local news and will launch a NYC edition next year. [NYT]
• As expected, a big round of layoffs at Time Inc. is underway. [Gawker, NYT]
• Harvey and Bob Weinstein may be looking to buy back the Miramax name from Disney now that it's being disbanded. That's the rumor anyway. [Wrap]
• Bloomberg plans to make BusinessWeek "bigger, glossier, and more international." Oh, and it may start charging for access to the BW site. [MW]
• The Oscars will have two hosts: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. [LAT]

Everyone is freaking out because Lohan and Versace look exactly the same. Also, Nicole Ritchie's baby appears, Kate is plus eight nightmares, and Hulk Hogan's suicide. Welcome to Wednesday's gossip gems!

• Investor Amit Ben-Haim has finally unloaded his four-bedroom penthouse at 15 CPW, albeit for significantly less than the $80 million he was looking for last year. The London-based exec just sold the condo for $37 million to two unidentified corporations listed in city property records as Novgorod and Novgorod Two. [NYO]
• Houston Rockets owner Leslie Alexander has reportedly closed on the purchase of a penthouse at the Superior Ink building on West 12th Street. (The 6,321-square-foot pad had been most recently listed for $25 million.) Meanwhile, Alexander is still trying to unload his East Hampton estate, which is currently on the market for $20.5 million. [NYP, PDE]
• Alec Baldwin appears to have taken his apartment at the El Dorado off the market just a month after listing it. The three-bedroom co-op, along with a smaller one-bedroom unit a few floors below, had been up for sale for a combined $8.9 million. [NYM]
• Daniele Bodini, a real estate mogul and the Republic of San Marino's permanent representative to the United Nations, has paid $10.9 million for a 3,500-square-foot apartment at 88 Central Park West. Update: On October 5, 2009, five days after publishing an item stating that Daniele Bodini had purchased an apartment at 88 Central Park West, the New York Post updated the story on its web site, deleting any reference to Bodini and stating instead that Italian financier Paolo Pellegrini had purchased the apartment. You can read the original, archived version here. The Post did not correct the story or in any way call attention to the fact that it had substantially changed it. On March 13, 2013—four years after this item was originally published on CityFile, and three years after Gawker Media purchased CityFile—an attorney representing Bodini alerted Gawker Media to the fact that the Post had changed the story and asked us to remove the mention of Bodini. As far as we can tell from a review of real estate records, neither Bodini nor Pellegrini purchased the apartment in question; it was purchased by Sarah Henrietta Hoblyn Jones in November 2009. [NYP]

• 30 Rock and Mad Men took home Emmys last night for outstanding comedy series and outstanding drama series, respectively. (Surprise, surprise.) Alec Baldwin won for outstanding actor in a comedy series; Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston won for outstanding actor in a drama series; Glenn Close won for best actress in a drama series for Damages; and The United States of Tara's Toni Collette took home the award for best actress in a comedy series. Other winners included Lost's Michael Emerson, 24's Cherry Jones, Grey Gardens' Jessica Lange, Pushing Daisies' Kristin Chenoweth, and Two and a Half Men's Jon Cryer. The catchphrase of the night was "pulling a Kanye," naturally. [People, Us]
• Mischa Barton just isn't a morning person... or perhaps she's having dental issues again. A source from her CW show, The Beautiful Life, says she's often so out of it in the mornings that she holds up filming, and she'll stare into her coffee for minutes on end, mumbling, "Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee." [P6]
• Courtney Love lost it when a bathroom intruder caught her with her pants down at the T magazine party at the Standard the other night. Love supposedly screamed that the man had attacked her and tried to have him ejected. "I never wanted to see Courtney Love on the toilet," says the unlucky guy. "It wasn't a pretty sight. I just wanted to get out of there." [P6]

The world's absolutely abuzz over news about the Emmy Awards, which are kind of like television's Oscars and very important. In case you missed them, here are some things you should know about the winners, the losers and the critics.