Despite the joyous break in that nasty heat wave and the thorn in Anne Hathaway’s ass having been successfully removed, all is not well in LA today. As the NY Post reports, Larry King’s sixth wife Shawn Southwick King has ‘fessed up to a painkiller addiction, and now Us is confirming that Heather Locklear just checked herself in to an undisclosed treatment center for general craziness. So with the year's halfway point quickly approaching, we decided to check in on this year’s Rehab Class of 2008: those who’ve graduated with honors, the newest students, and the wild card alumni whose success remains a wobbly mystery.

• The messy divorce case between Peter Cook and Christie Brinkley has just gotten messier. Days after a judge ruled that the trial would be kept open, it was revealed that Cook handed over $300,000 to Diana Bianchi, the 20-year-old girl he cheated on Brinkley with, in exchange for a promise that she wouldn't sue him for sexual harassment or discuss the affair. Of course, the cash won't prevent her from speaking out in court if she's called to testify. [NYP]

• Hockey star and Vogue intern Sean Avery showed up to a
  concert "dressed head to toe in black with a black newsboy cap... he
  looked like he was straight out of a 1998 J.Lo video." [P6]

• A judge has decided to keep Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook's divorce case open, and Diana Bianchi, the teenager Peter cheated on Christie with, says she's willing to testify if need be. [NYDN]

Disappearing singer Amy Winehouse has been diagnosed with emphysema, according to her father. "'The doctors have told her if she goes back to smoking drugs it won't just ruin her voice, it will kill her,' he was quoted as saying in the Sunday Mirror. 'The doctors have said that if she had continued the way she was going she could have ended up an invalid-she wouldn't have been able to breathe.' He added: 'She's got emphysema. It's in its early stages, but had it gone on for another month they painted a very vivid picture of her sitting there like an old person with a mask on her face struggling to breathe.'"

• Amy Winehouse fainted at home yesterday and spent the night undergoing testing at a London hospital. So far the tests have proved inconclusive and doctors are stumped as to what exactly happened, which clearly means they're not reading the tabloids. [Reuters]

Sirens! Sirens! Amy Winehouse has fainted and been hospitalized. "Doctors are unsure of the cause of the incident," says a rep for the fantastically addled singer. We took a biology class in high school and our grampa's a doctor so let us, if we can, offer our medical insight: It's. All. The. Fucking. Drugs. But that's not what troubles us, really. What bothers us is that Winehouse is, at present, the most dazzling trainwreck in town. But! She's not in our town.

• Amy Winehouse performed for $2 million at an art gallery opening in Moscow, where she was either well-behaved and "totally lucid," or wobbling, sloppy, and not wearing underwear, depending on what you read. [Style.com/Rush & Molloy]

Russian billionaires: they're powerful, they're flush with profits from semi-monopolized industrial concerns, and they're ready to party. So they think nothing of paying outrageous sums to international pop stars to come play private parties for them and their closest friends. The most recent example is poor drug-addled soul singer Amy Winehouse, who will be pocketing a cool $2 million to play a show for the girlfriend of billionaire politician and businessman Roman Abramovich. All $2 million of which will surely be spent to further Winehouse's ongoing demise. The point is, she's not the only superstar who's been seduced by a gig like this. Soon you won't be able to see anyone from Madonna to Rihanna without a plane ticket to Moscow and tight connections to the vestiges of the Kremlin's power structure. It's a trend!

We'd sure like to take a peek at Chuck Schumer's iPod. Speaking to reporters this week, the nebbishy senator took to quoting Amy Winehouse while describing the Senate standoff between Democrats and Republicans: "It's sort of like that song. Democrats say, 'Let's legislate,' and [Republicans] just say, 'No, no no.' They need rehab, I guess." Guess Amy knows who she can call the next time she has visa trouble. [Politico]

[Amy Winehouse, who used to be a singer, doing something sad over there in England somewhere; image via Splash]

• Madonna's estranged brother Christopher Ciccone is writing a tell-all book about his sis, and it's supposed to be extremely graphic and "devastating." [Page Six]

Nicole Kidman’s rehabbed, country-crooning husband Keith Urban has infinite knowledge on many things: how to prepare cocaine for free-basing, which hair salons in Australia promise the best blond guylights and where one can pick up a sweet pair of skintight leather pants. But one area of expertise Urban hasn’t quite nailed down yet is this whole baby business. At the CMA Awards on Friday night, reporters bombarded the surprise performer with the inevitable string of wombwatch-related questions, one of which involved the topic of gifts the odd couple have received for the upcoming celeb spawn:

• Beth Ostrosky loves sharing wedding details. Howard Stern's almost-wife says she and the shock jock will be inviting 150 guests to an October wedding in the city, and she'll be wearing a Marchesa dress that she's been discussing with Georgina Chapman. Oh, and the happy couple plans to adopt more dogs since Howard says he's not having any more kids. [Page Six]

The latest awful thing druggie singer Amy Winehouse has done is to sing a racist song on camera, set to the tune of children's song "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" but with racial slurs substituted for body parts. The British singer's racist ditty was recorded a year ago by husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who swore the videocamera wasn't on. Britain's News Of The World, which released the video, said Winehouse appeared to be in some sort of "dingy crack den." If some terrible bigoted crap like this has to come out, it might as well come out now — Winehouse is so far down the road of self-destruction that a disaster of this scale was considered pretty much inevitable, and the fact that she was goaded and high will help blunt the backlash. Video of the song, if you care to watch it, is after the jump.

If you're famous, and you want to do cocaine (or smoke crack), our best advice is: don't do it, because you're a role model. Ha ha. But seriously, hopeless crackhead celebrities; if you're going to do it at least don't be an idiot. Coke is hardly even frowned upon in Hollywood, but getting busted while acting like a maniac can seriously impair your image and earning ability in middle America. So learn from your more unfortunate peers' mistakes; after the jump, five cases of cocaine-fuelled idiocy, and how not to reproduce them.

• Bill Murray's wife wants a divorce and claims the actor is a pot-smoking globe-trotting sex addict who is physically abusive. The Daily News recalls: "At a bash at Robert De Niro's Tribeca Grill in the '90s, we watched as Murray punch-shoved photographer Diane Cohen in the chest."

[Ruined singer Amy Winehouse at her London home yesterday; image via INF]

• Oh, hey, Republican Mayor Michael Bloomberg might stop snapping at people long enough to play a thinly-veiled, self-mocking George W. Bush in a Broadway play. [P6]

• OMG smoking gun: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are hugging and holding hands and putting their faces close together and everything! It's nearly almost practically lesbian kissing, and thus proof that they are girlfriends in that way. [Egotastic] (Photo via Egotastic)